Friday, December 21, 2012

Friendzone ?

I know it's been quite some time since I last wrote on my blog. Life's been busy for me.. Even now, sleepless  nights has literally struck me again. Allow me to share with you what's on my thought for the last few weeks.

I finally realized that how to avoid the dreaded friendzone is a topic that's frequently discussed.. In fact, it may be discussed just a bit TOO much.

I'm going to share with you a realization that came to me during a recent phone call with a friend:

When venturing into the friendzone, unexpectedly, there's a certain type of conversation that u have to recognize. "Just Be Friends" to be exact.. And let me tell you.. Not All "JBF" Talks Are Created Equal..

And you've GOT to be able to tell the difference.!

This is actually not necessarily so you can GET OUT of the "JBF FriZone" once you're in it..  That's a very, very tough spot to get out of once the proverbial damage is done..

Instead, it's so you can once and for all figure out HOW and WHY women are exiling you there to begin with.. That way, you can better AVOID landing there in the future..

You see, most guys who hear the "JBF Talk" tend to hear it REPEATEDLY.. It tends to be a recurring sticking point..

In other words, once you've been "friendzoned" by someone, there's a probability that it will happen again.

That's due to the simple truth that almost every single time a woman lowers the dreaded "JBF" boom, it's because there's NO ATTRACTION felt by her towards the guy she's delivering the awkward news to.

Ironically, some of us fail to recognize that women are attracted to MASCULINITY...even as we FULLY recognize that it's a woman's femininity that makes her sexually attractive to us.

Masculinity + Femininity = Sexual Polarity.

Without sexual polarity, there's no such thing as "attraction".. Therefore, when we position ourselves as "neuter" human beings, we mess up the equation.

So then, if almost ALL "JBF Talks" happen for the same central reason, how are there TWO types of them?

Ah, yes.. That's a great question.

And I truly believe that you've likely never heard what I'm about to tell you before because it often requires an eye for subtlety to detect the difference between the two..

Here's the deal..

Make no mistake, the WORDS THEMSELVES that a woman might use will be similar, no matter what..

"I think we should just be friends."

"I'm just not feeling it."

"I don't want to ruin our friendship."

And let us not forget this classic (although we'd most definitely like to):

"You're more like a brother to me."

What you've got to discern is her EMOTIONAL STATE when she's telling you these sorts of things.

Is she sort of sullen or tentative, as if she almost feels sorry for you? Do you feel a bit patronized, as if she has the "upper hand" on you?

And what about YOUR emotional state? Do you feel helpless, if not hopeless?

As a direct result of that, have you suddenly gone from being practically in love with her to resenting her or even almost hating her in one fell swoop?

If so, you're experiencing a "Type 1 JBF Talk", defined as follows:

She doesn't feel attraction for you, and NEVER DID...even though she tried to talk herself into it."
Meanwhile, a "Type 2 JBF Talk" is different. You sense that somehow SHE is the one feeling resentment.  There's a certain frustration in her voice as she's speaking.

And unfortunately, YOU'RE the one who, oddly, begins to feel "sorry".. Maybe you don't feel sorry for HER, exactly, but you feel sorry that the scenario is unfolding as it is.

In this case, it's not so much that you feel helpless, per se, but rather that you know you blew it and wish you could get a "do over".

That's because a "Type 2 JBF Talk" signals the hard truth that she at one time DID feel attraction for you, but LOST IT.

Importantly, women almost always WANT attraction to happen when they go on a date with us.

While a "Type 1 JBF Talk" might often happen when no real "dating" has actually occurred between parties, a "Type 2 JBF Talk" is more typical after at least a first date has happened.

So if you've been hearing your share of "JBF talks" lately, ask yourself which type they are.

If they're "Type 1" your task at hand is to do a better job of reflecting masculinity as women define it. This may be something you'll need to work on in general, not just when around attractive women.

But if you're sensing that "Type 2" is what you're encountering, then you've probably got a good handle on how to BE MASCULINE already.

The challenge for you then becomes to keep doing what you did at the beginning to attract a woman.

Don't change your pace or your demeanor as you start liking a woman more. This can often happen due to a sense of panic over potentially losing her.

Therefore, you start "chasing" more than "choosing".

Can you see how knowing the difference between the two types of "JBF Talks" can dramatically increase your power to avoid them to begin with?

Attract women, keep them attracted, and thereby stand as a man who is in control of his relationships with women.  That way, if any "JBF Talks" prove necessary, it'll be YOU who's giving them.