Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Incurable Disease..

I guess now I know how it feels to have an incurable disease.. Thanks to this hyperthyroidism I got, I have to take its medicine all my life.. First of all, let me tell you about hyperthyroidism..

Hyperthyroidism is the term for overactive tissue within the thyroid gland, resulting in overproduction and thus an excess of circulating free thyroid hormones: thyroxine (T4), triiodothyronine (T3), or both. The term is also often used more loosely to describe any syndrome of excess thyroid hormone (more properly termed hyperthyroxinemia), regardless of the source. Thyrotoxicosis is the term for symptomomatic hyperthyroxinemia. Thyroid hormone is important at a cellular level, affecting nearly every type of tissue in the body. It functions as a stimulus to metabolism, and is critical to normal function of the cell. In excess it overstimulates, causing "speeding up" of various body systems, and thus symptoms: Fast heart beat results in palpitations, a fast nervous system in tremor and anxiety symptoms, a fast digestive system in weight loss and diarrhoea..

Grave's Disease (the most common etiology with 70-80%)
Toxic Thyroid Adenoma
Toxic Multinodular Goitre
These are the main causes of hyperthyroidism.. However, females are at a higher chance to get hyperthyroidism since there are more causes that involves females.. Such as Postpartum Thyroiditis which occurs to females during the year they gave birth and Struma Ovarii (a teratoma of the ovary) can produce excess thyroid hormone..

Major clinical signs include weight loss (often accompanied by a ravenous appetite), anxiety, intolerance to heat, fatigue, hair loss, weakness, hyperactivity, irritability, apathy, depression, polyuria, polydipsia, and sweating. Additionally, patients may present with a variety of symptoms such as palpitations and arrhythmias (notably atrial fibrillation), shortness of breath (dyspnea), loss of libido, nausea, vomiting, osteoporosis and diarrhea..

Yes, this disease is INCURABLE! Although eating medicine will help slow down various body system, if I don't take the medicine, I have the risk of fainting and my eyes might bulge out.. I guess that's all for today.. Bye~

Saturday, April 12, 2008

It Has Been Confirmed...

It's official.. The medical letter has arrvied.. My blood test shown that I have a thyroid disease.. Not sure which one though.. It could be hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism or even thyroid cancer..

*sigh*.. I can't even take a decent picture without my hands shaking...

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Thyriod huh?

Well, I was worried since I lost quite some weight without doing anything.. I suspected that it might be a case of thyroid... What is thyroid? You can it out here

Signs of Undiagnosed Thyroid Condition

1. Difficulty Losing Weight.
2. Weight Changes.
3. Depression and Anxiety.
4. Fatigue.
5. Family History.
6. Menstrual Irregularities and Fertility Problems.
7. Bowel Problems.
8. Hair / Skin Changes.
9. Neck Discomfort/Enlargement.
10. Muscle and Joint Pains, Carpal/Tendonitis Problems.

Out of these 10 signs, 5 of them happened to me.. So does this mean I have undiagnosed thyroid condition?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

A Combination Of 3 Songs That Always Accompany Me..

I heard you're doing okay but I want you to know, I'm addicted, I'm addicted to you.. I can't pretend I don't care when you don't think about me.. Do you think I deserve this? I tried to make you happy but you left anyway..

I look around me but all I see is people going nowhere, expecting sympathy.. It's like I'm going through the motions of a scripted destiny.. Tell me where's our inspiration.. If like won't wait I guess it's up to me...

I thought she was happy, but I was wrong.. The note she left it took me by surprise.. Said I've turned into, some other guy.. The things she said that she gave up for me.. She says it was a waste of time

No, we'e not gonna waste another moment in this town.. We won't come back the world is calling out.. Leave the past in the past gonna find the future .. And misery loves company.. Well so long you'll miss me when I'm gone.. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone..

I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you.. But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you.. Now it's over.. Can't forget what you said.. And I never wanna do this again..

Guess I don't really know what I was thinking.. Would've thought we would float but we kept sinking.. And things were so good, when you were in love with some other guy.. He looks just like me, but I made you cry.. You know I don't mean to.. I'm just an asshole sometimes..

Since the day I met you , and after all we've been through, I'm still addicted, I'm addicted to you.. I think you know that it's true.. I'd run a thousand miles to get you.. Do you think I deserve this? I tried to make you happy.. I did all that I could just to keep you but you left anyway..

I never saw myself as being alone.. Maybe that was my problem.. Coz now she's gone.. And I couldn't help but think how things could be.. I hope you're happy, happy without me.. And all the things that she gave up for me, I took for granted time after time..

Procrastination, running circles in my head.. While you sit there contemplating, you're wound up left for dead.. Life is what happens while you're busy making your excuses.. Another day, another casualty but that won't happen to me!

And please don't think I'm complaining, I was just happy to have her for a time.. And if you see her, tell her I said "hello and that I'm doing just fine"

How long will I be waiting? Until the end of time.. I don't know why I'm still waiting.. I can't make you mine..

Won't look back.. When I say goodbye, gonna leave hole behind me.. Gonna take what's mine tonight.. Cause every wasted day becomes a wasted chance.. Gonna wake up feeling sorry cause life won't wait.. I guess it's up to you..

Friday, April 4, 2008

Things Happened For A Reason?

I always wondered if things happened for a reason.. If the breakup didn't come, I wouldn't have lost 24 kgs over the last 3 months.. 117 to 93 within 3 months without everyday exercise.. I rarely jog, or play basketball.. And yet, I lost weight.. A mystery eh? Hmm...

Things That I Noticed After My Breakup...
1. You need to understand sadness before being happy in order to really appreciate it..
2. Enjoy life before getting married huhu..
3. If things don't go as you planned, you need to stay tough and handle it your best..
4. If ppl say "if it's destined to be, I will be ur wife" in other words "kalo ade jodoh..", is pratically bullshit.. How can she agree to get married to someone she don't like? When at that time, she already got someone else? Do you want to get married with someone you don't like?
5. Once you break up, you need to move on.. Hanging on means trouble to you and your ex including people around you..
6. Always listen to people who have experienced that situation.. Asking opinions from someone who don't know everything about your problem is stupidity..
7. Why should you your ex asks favors from you even though they are the who broke your heart? And why should you even accomplish them? She can't even do what I asked her.. So why should I do what she wants?
8. Yeah I know I'm practically a psycho when I'm heart-broken.. Emotionally disturb can be very hazardous!

Btw, do u believe in your horoscopes? My horoscope said that 28 march I will find someone special to me.. Yeah I did found her.. I thought she was meant for me.. Our relationship ended just within 2 weeks.. I kept on hurting her.. She reminded me too much of my ex.. I'm really sorry..

Anyway saturday morning, I have to wake up early.. I have a video recording session.. My friend wanted me to be one of the main characters.. Woot!.. From left, Me :D, the second one is Fendi, and the last one is Nami.. *Side Promotion: Fendi is single.. And so am I" Hahaha! They are some of the friends that I usually hang out with..

Thursday, April 3, 2008


Hey.. Do u remember..? The day I met you was the first day I started living.. That was it.. That was where it all started.. Then I saw you again the next day.. We were classmates.. I knew in an instant that you were the girl I had seen the day before.. As chance had it, I found out u lived very close to me.. Because I wanted to be together with you, I told you everything about me.. You listened closely to what I had to say.. You even told me your past secrets.. Come to think of it, that might have been the moment.. The moment that I fell for you.. Our relationship and our dates.. I didn't mind any of it.. There was a part of me that was really excited about it.. But I'd never felt that way before, so I had no idea... It was the same when you went out with some other guy.. I felt frustrated, lonely and hopeless at that time.. When you care for me, that was when I thought we had really connected.. That we were going to move forward together.. I really believed it.. Honest..

Our date in genting was fun too.. I had planned on spending the whole time having fun with you, but one thing happened after another.. I was overjoyed when you confessed to me that you loved me.. And when you kissed me, I was so happy that I wanted to start crying like a baby.. And as that feeling came, I thought to myself that I didn't want to be parted from you.. No, I hated even the thought of being separated from you.. When I led u on, I realized that you still have feelings for me.. And from there, things got so crazy I had no idea what was going on..

I'm sorry about that guy.. I was only thinking of myself.. The same with all ur friends.. When I was alone in my room, I was thinking, if only your friends would understand how I feel.. In spite of that, I told you that I hate you even though I love you.. Even though I love you so much.. I love you Azizah.. A whole lot.. So, please, come back to me.. We've decided that we would walk forward together, right? If you were to find another you love, what would happen to me.. I can't move anymore.. I can't go anywhere.. I can't even do anything without thinking of you..

In reality, there are some things that just don't have a correct answer.. Things that you can't do anything about.. There is no way that every people can be happy.. Why not? Because happiness corrupts people.. They get used to the happiness they've found, and seek even more happiness.. People were awfully greedy.. That's why I think people have the emotion called "sadness".. Even thought they contradict each other, people need to be sad to understand happiness..

Guess I have to be sad first before I can understand true happiness.. Only time will heal my pain...

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I Just Wanna Say This...

When she's crying, she seemed so small..
When she blushes, she's very cute
When she's mad, she's more than i can handle..
For that girl..
For that girl, I.. I'd do anything for her..

Even if it means that I'll make someone sad because I fell in love with someone..
I want to be together with her..
I don't wanna stand still anymore..
I don't wanna be away from you, I don't wanna let you go...
And even if it means that I'll hurt someone because of it..
Right here and now, I'll be together with you under these stars..

You can see too much of someone and stop understanding.. I think I realized that for the first time.. That it's not just words..

I couldn't tell you properly today.. But I'll make sure to.. There's nothing to worry about and nothing that makes me lose my way..

When I kissed her, I wonder what kind of face does she had then.. What kind of expression.. I've wondered bout that when I hugger her too...

Because I saw her, met her, talked to her, promised her, kissed her, hugged her, and loved by her, I was finally alive.. But now, without her, how can i survive...

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate that you made me so in love with you.. I hate that I loved you too much.. I hate the fact that.. I can't live without you..

No matter what I do, at the end of the day, it's you whom I choose.. It's you whom I wanna be with.. It's you that I wanna grow old with..

This maybe unappropiate, but there's a part of me that feels very happy about this.. Finally I know the happiness of being loved by someone, and the sadness when your loved ones left you...

This is for the best... I need to move forward.. That's what I was desperately telling my heart, which was trying to fight me.. So desperately....