Insomniac..

Taken from The Last Poem Of An Insomniac..

"Look at this world it is changing,
Faster than the snowflakes that dries in your hands and
Kisses that lost warmth, skin that can no longer feel
Writers dying, saying goodbye to love.

Look at my eyes, they are falling asleep,
But cannot be tucked in this poem of somebody else’s dream.
Blossoming someday until the senses recover,
The resurrection and embrace of this silly line of the poet.

Promise me the fence will never grow tall,
Cast the spell that can erase the ocean of its cloud,
But don’t show me the road to be taken.
I have my own way. My love will seek you blind and hopeful.

So this last kiss will commence the change.
The end that truly ends and that means to end,
I wonder why we’re not crying though it is sadness that we exchange.

Ah yes I know now, the world is changing but love will remain the same."

Hmm.. A few days ago, a friend of mine asked me what love really is? I'm not really sure myself.. There are a lot of definition of love.. All I was able to provide was a few quotes i found over the net.. As for my own definition of love, I've wrote it somewhere on my blog.. If only I could find them... Hahaha..

Big Bang - Haru Haru...

Everything happens for a reason... You just need to find out why..

Exercise! Hahaha

Hanya amik masa 7 minit untuk buat
senaman ringan ini..ikut la arahan ni betul2...


ni ala taichi sikit la...
sebagai intro dan warming up..


tiru la macam ni...
untuk melegakan bahu dan leher..


wa..wa.. aaa


gerak kekanan kemudian ke kiri..


gerak ke kiri kemudian ke kanan


ikut je ler... jangan terpusing kepala udah la..


tepuk kuat kuat kat dahi..
ni untuk hilang mengantuk..


dah tu buat gerakan tangan dan badan...
buat macam happy aje..


kemudian goyang2 kaki dan badan sikit...
buat macam takde masaalah...


buat secara aggresive  pula...
jangan peduli apa orang lain kata..


hilangkan semua stress..


pusingkan kepala...


tengok muka kat cermin
sambil goyang2.. lawa tak...


akhir sekali
buat joget kucing...

 

SELAMAT MENCUBA.... =)

Get To Know Yourself!

http://www.horoscopeswithin.com/sunsigns.php

Each of us has positive and negative characteristics that make up our personality. Please do not be offended when you read the negatives. They have been included as a source of comparison and these traits are not written in stone! Perhaps you know someone that exhibits mostly the positive characteristics of the sign. Wherever you find these signs in your horoscope is where you are likely to exhibit the traits of the sign. Read your Sun sign and your Rising sign.


ARIES - I AM
March 21st - April 20th


Aries is known as the forerunner of the zodiac. If ever there was a natural entrepreneur, it is an Aries. General Characteristics may include a person that is adventurous, aggressive, a leader, eager, bossy, argumentative, brave, spontaneous, confident, courageous, direct, dynamic, energetic, enterprising, enthusiastic, exasperating, excitable, explosive, forceful, forthright, determined, freedom-loving, impatient, impulsive, independent, insensitive, a leader, passionate, pioneering, powerful, quarrelsome, quick-tempered, quick-witted, selfish and unstoppable.


TAURUS - I HAVE
April 21st - May 21st


If your sun is in Taurus, you love life's comforts. Good food, a nice home, fine furnishings and a stable foundation are important to you. Those born under the sign of Taurus may be acquisitive, adamant, affectionate, artistic, constant, determined, domestic, dull, dependable, generous, greedy, grumpy, guarded, materialistic, indulgent, industrious, inflexible, insensitive, lazy, loving, obstinate, patient, permanent, persistent, physical, placid, possessive, practical, radiant, reliable, robust, security-loving, steady, strong-willed, stubborn, tenacious, trustworthy and warm-hearted.


GEMINI - I THINK
May 22nd - June 21st


Whether they are typing at lighting speed on instant messenger, or talking on the phone until dawn, sometimes simultaneously, Gemini's love to communicate! Characteristics of a Gemini may include being adaptable, amusing, articulate, busy, changeable, charming, chatty, curious, cunning, dexterous, energetic, fickle, fidgety, friendly, flighty, gossipy, inconsiderate, indecisive, inconsistent, intellectual, intelligent, lively, logical, nervous, non-committal, restless, open minded, sociable, spontaneous, superficial, transparent, two-faced, versatile, witty, youthful and mentally oriented. Some Gemini's tend to dress very provocative.


CANCER - I FEEL
June 22nd - July 22nd


Cancers are most happy with a secure home life, a well stocked pantry and a large family. Your favorite family restaurant is probably being run by a Cancer. Security is important for Cancers feel comfortable in any environment. Whatever it is that defines security for them is essential for their happiness. Cancer characteristics may include someone who is careful, caring, reactive, cautious, dependant, changeable, romantic, empathetic, clingy, emotional, affectionate, nurturing, helpful, home-loving, imaginative, intuitive, kind, loving, maternal, moody, over-sensitive, panic-stricken, patriotic, possessive, protective, resourceful, shrewd, have strong attachments, sympathetic, tenacious, thrifty, touchy, vulnerable, worrisome, tied to the past and psychic.


LEO - I WILL
July 23rd - August 23rd


Like the Lion who wants to rule the jungle, Leo is proud and loves to show it. Your Leo needs a great deal of attention and a starring role in a Broadway Play may suit your Leo just fine. Leo characteristics may include someone that is artistic, dignified, bossy, arrogant, conceited, self confident, creative, determined, domineering, dramatic, warm, direct, dynamic, egotistical, elegant , enthusiastic, extravagant, fun loving, generous, hot tempered, interfering, intolerant, jovial, loving, passionate, playful, personable, popular, powerful, proud, steady, stubborn, vibrant, vivacious, warm-hearted and talented.


VIRGO - I ANALYZE
August 24th - Sept. 22nd


Everything has its place, just ask a Virgo and they will know where that is. Virgos tend to be very organized in everything they do, sometimes to a fault! This sign rules the house of health and service and often Virgos do very well in medicine and healthcare. Virgo characteristics may include someone that is analytical, careful, conservative, critical, cynical, dependable, diligent, discriminating, finicky, harsh, intelligent, logical, methodical, meticulous, modest, perceptive, perfectionist, practical, precise, reliable, self-conscious, self-critical, sensitive, sharp, shy, subtle, understanding, witty, wise, thrifty, health and hygiene conscious.


LIBRA - I BALANCE
Sept. 23rd - Oct. 23rd


If you have a problem, your Libra friend may help you weigh the consequences. It's nice to have someone to help you see both sides of the issue at hand. Libra characteristics may include a person that is agreeable, airy, artistic, balanced, appreciative of the arts, flirtatious, charming, cheerful, courteous, compromising, diplomatic, easygoing, evasive, far-sighted, idealistic in relationships, frivolous, gullible, indecisive, self-absorbed, poetic, refined, resentful, romantic, self-indulgent, sociable, sympathetic, sophisticated, idle, indecisive, vague, but also fair.


SCORPIO - I DESIRE
Oct. 24th - Nov. 22nd


Scorpio's are often quite good in business, when given the opportunity. Many Scorpios work in the field of medicine as Scorpio rules the house of rebirth and regeneration. Scorpios may have characteristics of being mysterious, aggressiveness, agitated, angry, committed, compulsive, deep, skeptical, determined, discerning, emotional, fearful, forceful, imaginative, inflexible, intense, intuitive, jealous, loyal, magnetic, obsessive, passionate, having a preoccupation with sex, sarcastic, persistent, powerful, resentful, secretive, seductive, sensitive, sexy, judgmental, suspicious, uncertain, self mastery, unforgiving, unpredictable, vindictive and willful.


SAGITTARIUS - I AIM
Nov. 23rd - Dec. 21st


Your favorite teacher just might be a Sagittarius, for teaching and education in all areas are their forte. When their not caught up in a book, their off to the four corners of the world exploring and learning about other cultures. Some general Sagittarian characterizes may include someone who is adventurous, boastful, careless, energetic, enterprising, impatient, enthusiastic, exaggerating, excitable, expansive, explorative, frank, freedom loving, good-humored, honest, idealistic, intellectual, irresponsible, jovial, lazy, naive, open-minded, optimistic, outgoing, outlandish, outspoken, philosophical, reckless, restless, sincere, undisciplined, versatile, athletic, a visionary, wasteful and independent.


CAPRICORN - I USE
Dec. 22nd - Jan. 20th


Do you need a good bookkeeper? Capricorns are disciplined, hard working and often mature before their time. Life can get too serious at times, just ask a Capricorn. Some general Capricorn characteristics would be someone who is ambitious, aspiring, calculating, careful, cold, respectful, considerate, determined, diligent, objective, dutiful, enduring, exacting, far-sighted, fatalistic, grouchy, industrious, harsh, humorous, loyal, patient, penny pinching, persevering, conservative, pessimistic, practical, reliable, brooding, reserved, rigid, ruthless, selfish, sensible, cautious, serious, strong and traditional.


AQUARIUS - I KNOW
Jan. 21st - Feb. 18th


If you have something interesting to say, you'll get the attention of an Aquarius, but keeping their attention is another story! Think of an Aquarian as the Einstein of the zodiac, open to discovering areas that have not yet been developed. Anything new and unusual seems to capture the attention of those born under this sign. Some Aquarian characteristics would be aloofness, selflessness, analytical, contrary, cranky, detached, distant, eccentric, fanatical, fearless, friendly, humanitarian, idealistic, independent, individualistic, intellectual, inventive, lofty, loyal, oblivious, odd, original, outrageous, progressive, quick, quirky, perverse, rebellious, sociable, stubborn, tactless, tireless, trustworthy, unconventional, unemotional, unpredictable and innovative.


PISCES - I BELIEVE
Feb. 19th - March 20th


If you know a Pisces, you're probably aware of their deep sensitivity. The most watery of the water signs, say the wrong thing and you'll have a weepy Pisces on you're your hands. That's okay too because it balances those signs that tend to be a bit emotionally dry. Pisces may exhibit characteristics of being dreamy, artistic, careless, compassionate, confused, deceitful, deep, easily-led, escapism, greedy, happy, hopeless, humorous, shy, hypersensitive, withdrawn, idealistic, imaginative, plays the victim, impractical, impressionable, indecisive, intuitive, inventive, kind, misdirected, misunderstood, mysterious, prophetic, receptive, secretive, self-sacrificing, spiritual, spiteful, sympathetic, unworldly, vague, understanding and empathetic.

No More Hiding!

I've decided to reopen some of my old posts..

Anyway, if someone were to ask you to give them 10 strengths and 10 weaknesses, what would u write? When you write about your strengths, what if they turned out to be your weakness? Like trust people easily or can spend money wisely etc..

Just some things to think about..

Official RA3 on Multiplay LYN

http://multiplay.lowyat.net/2008/10/29/red-alert-3-officially-launched-in-malaysia/

6 Years Of Love..

It's another Korean movie that I just finished watching... Here's some of the quotes I found from this movie...

"What would happen if we got back together..
They do say broken bones bind stronger..
Could we be stronger?
We'll probably lie, fight and hurt each other, again..
Then get sick of it and go our separate ways..
Forgetting how much we missed each other..
Forgetting how much we regretted it..."

This is like the proverb.. The ground gets harder after the rain..
Perhaps.. Being separated for a while is the best choice.. As shown in the movie "The Breakup".. Although they weren't back together again, they showed improvements in their life one way or another..

Talking bout improvements.. Or should I say "changes" (it can be good or bad..).. I always look back at wonder about myself.. Have I really changed over the past few years? Well.. Maybe I'm not as cheerful as I used to be.. However, at least I can say that I've grown more matured lately.. I used to hate everything, rebellious against my family (maybe I still am a bit.. but not as much as before..) and always look upon the negative side.. Heh..

Anyway.. That's all the time I have for now.. See you again bloggers.. I'll try to keep my blog updated as soon as possible..

RA3 Malaysia Launch Event

Yes, RA3 has officially been launched in Malaysia


The event was held in Leo's Cafe.. SS2/75 PJ


Wow.. Razer Sidewinder X6.. I wish I have one of these.. Portable numpad >_<


Demo PCs.. Argghh.. I wanna play :(


LOTS of ppl in queue..


So many freebies to give away..


Not to forget.. the Grand Prize worth RM5000!!


Don't move.. Balance the glass...


Can you win against this guy?


Almost !! Arggghh.. Both turned red already..



One of my friends won a 2x1GB XRS RAM by Corsair


"And the winner's IC is... 8 - 6 - 1 - 1 - 0 - 3"..
eh.. that's my IC number...


Woooooottt!!



Looks like I won the grand prize XD

Writing..

Hmm.. I've been thinking for quite some time to write a novel on my own.. I got a storyline of my own already.. However, I'm not sure what title should I put.. And I'm having trouble writing a good introduction.. Heh..

Love = Obsession?

Love Is As Much Of An Object As An Obsession, Everybody Wants It, Everybody Seeks It, But Few Ever Achieve It, Those Who Do Will Cherish It, Be Lost In It, And Among All, Never Forget It... - Curtis Judalet

Have you ever heard of this quote before? Is love really an obsession? When you love someone, are you obsessed with him/her? Perhaps.. Perhaps not.. Love never claims, it ever gives.. Love ever suffers, never resents nor revenges itself.. Don't ever say you love somebody and then change your mind.. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch.. Choosing someone to love is like choosing someone to be with.. Someone who would take care of you, vice versa.. Someone whom you want to grow old with.. Someone you cherish.. After all, being happily married is about falling in love over and over again.. The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.. So, ask this to yourself, are you feeling with your hands? Or with your heart?

True happiness and a fullness of joy can be found only in the tender and intimate relationships of the family. However earnestly we may seek success and happiness outside the home through work, leisure activities, or large bank accounts, we will never be fully satisfied emotionally until we develop deep and loving relationships.. And inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares.. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.. Do remember that if you can't even take care of yourself now, how are you supposed to take care of your future family? Hence, it's true that we need to focus on our career first.. Finishing our studies, achieving good results, get the best job possible.. When we've really gained the best option available, the time to settle down will come.. Sooner or later, right?.. For the time being, why not focus on our studies? :D

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - Corithians

A Very Weird Incident..

Have you ever heard someone calling out your name? When you turn, no one's there.. Or there's a large crowd and you couldn't find where the voice is coming from.. Perhaps.. Just maybe..

Sometimes, it was really a friend who called out my name.. When I'm rushing or thinking something, I would ignore it.. I just thought that I'm hearing things..

1 - Last week, I was woken up by a voice calling out my name.. It was getting annoying when it kept on doing so.. Well, who wouldn't get angry if someone disturbs their sleep.. Right? :p But when I woke up, my parents were asleep, so did everyone else in the house.. Who was the one? A female voice.. >_<

2 - A friend stayed over in my room for a few days.. I don't mind sleeping outside.. Usually, after midnight she said she saw a figure inside my room.. A girl.. Long hair and wearing a dress.. The girl noticed that she was able to see her.. And the girl was asking for help.. If this happens to you, what would you do? >_<

3 - This is a story according to my sister in law.. My nephew came down from upstairs.. When his mom asked what was he doing, he said he was playing with a friend.. A friend? He usually calls his nanny, Kak Nor and his sister, Kakak.. But a friend? Weird.. He doesn't call anyone in the family with the title "friend".. >_<

4 - The next event happens a lot in my hostel... There was no wind that time.. The door suddenly slammed shut.. And sometimes, the wardrobe suddenly opened by itself.. The most freaky thing for me is.. My roommate's pc suddenly powered up and shuts down on its own!

5 - My roommate, Deevon, was talking to Senyum who was on his bed.. Faisal was using the computer.. And then, suddenly, Senyum came in.. He just finished taking a bath.. Hmm.. Who did Deevon talk to? >_<

Hohoho

This song is dedicated to all the love birds out there.. Enjoy

A duet by Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand entitled Finally Found Someone..

Song lyrics | I Finally Found Someone lyrics

Leona Lewis - Better In Time

I was browsing one of my friend's blog and I saw this lyric.. Nice song.. Enjoy my imeem :D

Leona Lewis - Better In Time
It’s been the longest winter without you
I didn’t know where to turn to
See somehow I can’t forget you
After all that we’ve been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who’s there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn’t know
If you didn’t notice you mean everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
All I know is I’ma be ok

Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time

I couldn’t turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I’m dreaming don’t wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that’s the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn’t notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
All I know is I’ma be ok

Since there’s no more you and me
It’s time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I’ll be fine without you
Yes I will

Doubt...

I don't know why.. My chest feels so heavy.. My mind is confused.. My heart feels pain.. I wanna keep lying down when I fell.. I've lost all hope.. The motivation is gone.. I had become a soulless body.. Who had nothing to care about.. Who just let time slips away by him.. Yeah.. It's true.. Life has to move on.. I understand..


For quite some time, I've become like that.. Hoping that one would come and cheer me up again.. Become part of my life.. However, I forgot the most important thing ever.. If I don't help myself first, no one will come and help me..

Blank.. +_+

I don't know what to write anymore.. It's been quite some time since something interesting / intriguing happened.. Well, except for this..

I still remembered a few months ago.. In order to forget my ex, I asked S to be my gf.. At first she hesitated since we just knew each other.. After some time, she finally agreed.. She's one year older than me and was doing her practical in Johor.. Though we were couples, she always ask me this question..

"What will you do if suddenly your ex comes back to you?"

Of course, the best answer would be "She's not my current gf".. But then, somehow I started to wonder.. If I were really supposed to forget my ex, why do all these signs keep on coming? Signs that kept on making me remember all those memories.. Our relationship doesn't last long.. 1 week to be precise..

From that 1 week relationship, I've learnt a lot.. If you don't want people to treat u badly, don't treat them badly.. All the things I've done to my ex, she did them to me.. Making me remember a whole lot more..
I remembered how I used to sulk everyday hoping that she would come and brighten up my day.. Heh.. Too many things that made me suffer more and more.. *sigh*..

Every moment I was with her, I was reliving the moments with my ex.. Except I was her and she was me... Heh.. I guess that's karma.. What you do to people will 1 day be done to you.. Ever since that day, I've promised myself that I will not hurt another because of my carelessness again :)

Start Of A New Sem..

I started off this sem quite badly.. Things got out of hand and I guess I handled it pretty badly.. Hmm.. Well, at least I didn't run away from my problems.. One thing for sure, I don't understand why certain people keep on blaming games for this? Games has got nothing to do with it.. I used to play games very actively in Malacca but I still managed to maintain a 3 pointer.. *sigh*

23 June 2008.. The Day I've Been Waiting For..

23 June 2008.. The day has finally arrived.. From this moment on, I will never drop another tear for anyone~! The next time I cry will be the moment I take my last breath! The grave has been dug.. The name of a heartbreaker will now be buried inside it.. For eternity!

Time to move on has arrived.. No more will I shatter into pieces.. No more will I stumble.. No more will it affects me in any way at all! With the thoughts of not being with her!

20 messages, 1 birthday card, a birthday gift and some flowers.. As I gave her my farewell wishes, this has to stop! I will no longer be waiting for her!

Now I bid farewell, to all the memories of all the moments we share together.. Goodbye forever..

Happiness.. Define it..

If you searched under google, try to put "define:happiness".. It'll result in
- state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy..
- Happiness is an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. As a state and a subject, it has been pursued and commented on extensively throughout world history. This reflects the universal importance that humans place on happiness. (taken from wikipedia)
- A state of mind typically described as akin to pleasure, joy or enjoyment; however, in the language of natural science joy/pleasure are rendered transient emotional states while happiness is a continuum of pleasure or desired mood tempered by personalized values, history and a unique view of life. Thus, happiness, from the biological point of view, demands both the mind’s powers of reasoning and emotional intelligence – the understanding and use of emotional informatitate of consciousness) can be spontaneous or artificially induced. The constitutional right of men and women to pursue their ‘happiness’ means the them the highest enjoyment. (taken from eubios)

So, what do you understand about happiness?

Wow! Weight Loss Impact xD

A few moments ago, I browsed through all my files.. I found some wonderful memories among them.. Pictures of a happy couple.. Videos of them celebrating b'days and anniversaries.. Furthermore, among those memories, I saw my old self..

Imagine from this

to this


Reminded me of how fat I used to be.. Haha..

10 Biggest Mistakes In My Life..

It's nearly 5 AM in the morning and I still couldn't shut my eyes.. All I've been thinking since I got back from work was all the mistakes I did.. Here there are..

10th Biggest Mistake:
Snuck out late at night, went to cyber cafe and chat.. I got busted a few times but I keep on finding new ways to sneak out.. - 2000-2002

9th Biggest Mistake:
Passed up my SPM paper early so that I can go to a cyber cafe nearby and play Ragnarok Online.. Addicted for quite some time.. - 2003

8th Biggest Mistake:
Continued eating even though I'm already full.. Kept on eating until I can't move anymore.. Fuh.. I was such a glutton.. As long as they're food to eat, I'll keep on eating and going back and forth to the toilet.. Haha.. - 1998-2006

7th Biggest Mistake:
Hesitated to fill up fuel until my car ran out of it.. - 2004, 2008.. Haha

6th Biggest Mistake:
Skipped class and went to play DoTA from morning until night.. - 2004

5th Biggest Mistake:
Borrowed some money from my sister and parents without asking.. Erm.. Thinking of returning all those money but I've lost count >_>.. Sis, Dad, Mom.. If you're reading this, please wait for a while.. I'll return all that I've taken as soon as I got a steady job.. - 1999-2003 (I don't do it since then.. "Ask and it shall be fulfilled")

4th Biggest Mistake:
Lied to my parents.. Told them I went to college but actually I was on the way to malacca for a tournament.. The result? I got a car accident :( - 2007

3rd Biggest Mistake:
Not listening to what my parents have to say.. "They know what's best for them! Not for me! I'm not them!".. This is what I used to think.. I was such a rebellious boy.. - 2001-2006 (Now I've understand how they feel..)

2nd Biggest Mistake:
Letting people take me for granted.. Some of my classmates became close to me.. When they want to hang out, they'll ask me to join them.. However, they didn't even call me to study.. Sure sometimes I was lazy to drive back to uniten from my house, but it's the thought that counts.. - 2004

1st Biggest Mistake:
I guess my biggest mistake is thinking I was ready to fall in love.. I've always thought love was everything for me.. Heh.. I guess I was wrong.. Love turned me down and brought me here.. Caused me so much pain and suffering.. - 2003, 2008..

Well there you go.. 10 biggest mistakes in my life.. However, I didn't regret on doing any of those things.. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here now.. Who knows what might've happened.. These mistakes have taught me a lot in life.. And now, I vow never to repeat these mistakes ever again.. :)

Insincerity.. *Sigh*

I don't understand why some people preferred not to face the truth.. Facing your own mistakes and admitting them are part of growing up.. Sure we've said something wrong and do something bad.. When we look back and think about it, the best action would be admitting your own mistakes and making up to it.. Heh..

I remembered someone said sorry to me.. In fact, it was just a few weeks ago.. Yeah, she said sorry.. But is she going to do something to atone for it? I don't think so.. Saying sorry won't help me from my sickness.. Words alone are not enough!! If words alone would cure me from this disease, how come I'm still not healthy!! I know your intention was good, but some things are better off not disturbed..

Holidays...

It's been a week since holiday started.. All I've been doing is just work, eat and sleep.. Heh..

A few moments ago, I was chatting with one of my school friends.. She mentioned that she just returned from UK and she had tons of fun over there.. The reason of the trip? Well, let's just say she's trying to clear her mind because of her recent breakup.. She reminded me of Shukie.. She went to Aussie for the same reason.. Did I mention that they both went there alone?

A vacation alone.. I've always wanted to go on a vacation.. No friends, no family and no ex-gfs around.. Heh.. I think I'm beginning to like the term ALONE.. Only then can I think about life and such..

Anyway, here's my workplace.. I've been making popcorns at night since day 3 I started working.. If u feel popcorns are sweeter than usual, then it's my masterpiece.. I've been using extra caramel on the popcorns that I make :)

I Still Don't Understand...

Yeah.. Sure.. I know that our relationship is already over.. I was just getting used to the term of being single.. However, she suddenly smsed me.. Saying sorry and stuff.. The way she said it.. It's like she regretted breaking up with me or sumthing like that.. When I asked whether she's thinking of getting back together, she said no..

Why did she bother saying sorry? It's been 4 months since we broke up.. 3 months I suffered like hell.. And now she's trying to make me suffer again? Argghh!!

A few hours ago, I arrived at my hostel room.. Quickly plugged in my pc and play some songs while I was packing some stuff.. Then, under my bed, I saw a very familiar box.. It was filled with all the stuff she gave me.. Some of our pics together, a CD full of love songs that she used to dedicate to me, and some birthday gifts.. Even my Razer DeathAdder was a gift from her.. Gifts are still gifts.. I will not throw away my gifts unless someone dispose of them for me...

Here's a few phrases I found over the net..

Behind every tragedy there is the promise of love in the same way as the promise of a new day is in the ending night.

· Life is worth living for a man only if the experience of some love waits for him. If not, he has no reason to live any further.

· If we counted up all the loves including those, which are deviant, into one only love, it would be love that would love every piece of human body and human soul.

· Love has the price for a man only in the moment when it is experiencing or when he is looking forward to experience it. If love passed away, there are but beautiful memories and pain left.

· I have heard a sad melody, the tones of which played about the real price of love that is often realized only after it is too late; that after the loss we have to vanishingly long for it's re-obtaining and the most just when it is nonreturnably away.

· There is no man that could recognize the entire love because it is recognized and understood only by those who are taking care of it all through the ages. With them you are allowed to talk about love much more than with any living human.

Movies and such...

*sigh*.. Why do idiots keep on complaining about things that are not true in movies? Doesn't matter if it's 300, or fitna.. If it's not true, why the hell should u bother?

for 300, do persians made the film? No.. Did the greeks? No.. It was americans who made the film.. Basically those who don't know everything about it.. So, we know it's not true, why should we bother?

Same as Fitna.. It wasn't made by a muslim.. As if they know anything in Islam.. The title has said it.. FITNAH which means false accusations.. Yet, stupidity overwhelms people and made them complain a lot about this..

Why can't they think? Well, luckily the offended didn't even think of creating a controversial movie to counter this one

I still remember, one of my old housemates in malacca decided to go free thinker.. All I can say to him was, Is this what you really wanted?.. If he thinks that's the best choice for himself, then he'll have to answer God 1 day.. Yet, people keep on cursing him, saying bad stuff about him.. Do we need to talk harshly? Even our prophet said "There shall be freedom to choose your own religion in an Islamic country".. The government aren't doing anything to those who decided to change religion or go free thinker, so why should you?

1 Song To Describe Everything...

Do listen to Hujan - Kau Pijak Hatiku Lagi inside my playlist..

Medicines... No More!

Today, I've decided to stop eating my medicine.. I will go through this life without having anything that will hold me back.. I will keep on running without looking back, going through all the pain and hardships that will come along the way.. Sure, I will slow down and walk for a while, but I will never stop!

I am another ordinary boy that should undergo ordinary life.. Going to classes, having part time jobs, hanging out with friends and such.. I repeat! NOTHING can stop me from doing what I want, and what I'm supposed to do!

If this sickness catch up to me 1 day, so be it.. I'll be glad by then that I've live my life to the fullest!

Thank God for opening my eyes.. I was once blind to all the things that happened to me that I forgot about more important things in life.. I even forgot about the 1 phrase that kept me going on for years..


When There's A Will, There's A Way!

Part Timing.. Heh

Fuuuhhh.. I had to cut my hair AGAIN since the chief manager told me that my hair was too long.. Oh well, at least now I don't have to bother about my hair when I wake up or after bath haha..

It's been 5 days since I worked at GSC Alamanda.. Now I understand what it means to be a customer service.. A customer's smile is the most important thing.. Even when they're angry, they're scolding you, you can never raise your voice at them! The customer is always right! No matter how fussy or strict one is about their food and beverages..

I still remember.. On Monday, I went for the part time interview.. I was there around 12.. Filled up the form, made some passport pics and photocopied my IC.. My first form was spoiled by an irresponsible worker at McDonald's.. The paperworks are folded NICELY and they're NOT on the tray.. When I return from washing my hand, everything on the table was gone (luckily I didn't put my phone there).. Damn! Why can't he differs important stuff and trash.. I photocopied my IC again, had to take another form, filled it up on the spot before passing it up.. It was 1.30pm.. The interview starts at 2pm.. Well, so there I was, waiting.. Walking in circles.. Kept on going back and forth to the toilet just to see how my shirt, pants and hair are doing..

I looked at my phone, the time was 2pm.. The time had arrived! I went to the counter and there were another 4 candidates.. Then, the chief manager, Mr Abbas, introduced himself and invited the 5 of us into the meeting room.. We went inside, and noticed there were only 5 chairs.. 1 for him and another 4 for us.. Since I was the only one who came alone, I decided to let them have the opportunity first.. So, there I was, walking around in circles again! Arghh..! When will my turn come?! I walk around getting nervous by every second..

20 minutes had passed.. I've decided to go to the arcade to kill some time.. Played time crisis 2 and another sniping game.. Hoho.. I could've won! But I ran out of cash.. Dang!

The time now is 3pm.. Still no sign of Mr Abbas.. To kill some time, I went to the K-Box and sang a few songs.. 3.20pm.. Went back to GSC and one of the senior workers spotted me and brought me to him.. Yes! Finally! It's about time! Well, firstly, he told me to introduce myself in English.. Then he asked me a few questions about customer service and the motto "The customer is always right".. For the last question, he asked me "What's the 5 main points of good customer service?".. Well, I can't spoil the answer to you guys.. You have to go for the interview to know the answer =D

When I stepped into that room, he was telling another 2 candidates "We'll contact you in 2 days time".. And so I thought, he'll contact me in 2 days time if I succeed.. At the end of the interview, he said, "We have no problem hiring you.. When can you start?".. Without hesitation, I answered that the next day would be nice.. Now, here I am, working for GSC Alamanda for rm3.50 per hour as a part timer =D

p/s: he also mentioned that I can get a staff pass for each week.. Meaning I'll get 2FREE movie ticket EVERY WEEK!! Yay!! More benefits please =D

Hospital Visit..

A few weeks ago, around midnight, one of my friends called me.. He informed me that one of his friends passed out.. I was with daniel at that time.. And then, we went to a nearby hospital.. The one holding her phone kept on asking "can u help?" without even telling which hospital is it.. There we were, at Putrajaya Hospital.. There were a bunch of feelings inside me.. I was nervous, restless, panicked, and worst of all, I was speechless.. Being at a hospital always reminded me of all those sad stories about incurable diseases.. Somehow, I wonder how will my friends and family reacted if they found out I passed out.. Hmm.. The question remains...

After a few moments waiting, we found out that she had already left the hospital and currently at her home.. So we head back to our hostel and then my friend took off on his bike and went to see her..

Seriously I don't know what to write.. Hahaha

A Dream.. Hmmm

I've been sad for the whole morning.. I feel so lonely that all the memories about my ex suddenly arrive 1 by 1.. *sigh*..

I woke up around 4 am.. I forgot what my dream was.. All I remember was I heard my ex is going to get married this sunday.. Suddenly it struck me.. All those memories of having a loving and caring gf, and I was a jerk to her.. It's been a month since I last cried.. Tears run down my cheek without me noticing.. Without hesitating, I called nami, wondered what happened to the Roti Telur I ordered thru him a few hours ago.. When I heard a knock on the door, I knew it was him.. I quickly wiped my tears and opened the door..

Around 7am, I saw one of my old friends was online.. When she say good morning to me, I was thinking to myself.. "Good morning? What's good about this morning? It's a BAD morning!".. We talked about lots of stuff.. Then she adviced me to 'make a life'.. I wonder how.. She told me it is question I have to answer on my own..

Yeah.. Having fun doesn't last long.. When the event finishes, I'd be the same as before.. Well, at least I had fun :).. It's better than to sit n think all the sad parts.. Even sometimes when I smile or laugh, I know that deep down in me, I'm still crying..

Enough bout that.. Let me tell you about the dream I had after friday prayer.. First of all, it's like a continuation of my last dream.. The part that I remember was she was getting married.. The Akad Nikah ceremony.. As I step into her house compound, I saw her.. And apparently, she was surprised to see me there.. "An-chan" she said.. Which means brother in japanese.. In this case, someone dear.. Then she pronounced to all that's she would prefer to marry me since she made a promise to do so.. As I walk away to my house, she approached me.. I couldn't hold it any longer.. As I hugged her, I cried whole heartedly.. Then, I dropped onto the ground.. When I realized it, I was in my hostel room, and tears still drop down my cheek.. Heh.. Dreams.. Too bad it was in the evening.. LoL..

Dreams during evenings will never come true.. Too bad.. Hahaha.. Dreams that have highly chance to come true, some would call it a deja vu, are likely to happen during 2-4 in the morning.. That is why it is preferred that we should get some sleep around 11 and wake up around 5 in the morning..

Why.....

Suddenly, I noticed that most of my friends, remembered their ex.. And when I walk into their room, this song was playing.. Hanya Kau Yang Mampu by Aizat AF5.. The phrase was..

"Cerita tentang masa lalu
Cerita tentang kau dan aku
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku.."

"Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku"

Damn.. Suddenly I lost all my mood.. Argghhh.. I still don't understand..

If I were supposed to forget about her, why do all these signs keep coming back?

Incurable Disease..

I guess now I know how it feels to have an incurable disease.. Thanks to this hyperthyroidism I got, I have to take its medicine all my life.. First of all, let me tell you about hyperthyroidism..

Hyperthyroidism is the term for overactive tissue within the thyroid gland, resulting in overproduction and thus an excess of circulating free thyroid hormones: thyroxine (T4), triiodothyronine (T3), or both. The term is also often used more loosely to describe any syndrome of excess thyroid hormone (more properly termed hyperthyroxinemia), regardless of the source. Thyrotoxicosis is the term for symptomomatic hyperthyroxinemia. Thyroid hormone is important at a cellular level, affecting nearly every type of tissue in the body. It functions as a stimulus to metabolism, and is critical to normal function of the cell. In excess it overstimulates, causing "speeding up" of various body systems, and thus symptoms: Fast heart beat results in palpitations, a fast nervous system in tremor and anxiety symptoms, a fast digestive system in weight loss and diarrhoea..

Grave's Disease (the most common etiology with 70-80%)
Toxic Thyroid Adenoma
Toxic Multinodular Goitre
These are the main causes of hyperthyroidism.. However, females are at a higher chance to get hyperthyroidism since there are more causes that involves females.. Such as Postpartum Thyroiditis which occurs to females during the year they gave birth and Struma Ovarii (a teratoma of the ovary) can produce excess thyroid hormone..

Major clinical signs include weight loss (often accompanied by a ravenous appetite), anxiety, intolerance to heat, fatigue, hair loss, weakness, hyperactivity, irritability, apathy, depression, polyuria, polydipsia, and sweating. Additionally, patients may present with a variety of symptoms such as palpitations and arrhythmias (notably atrial fibrillation), shortness of breath (dyspnea), loss of libido, nausea, vomiting, osteoporosis and diarrhea..

Yes, this disease is INCURABLE! Although eating medicine will help slow down various body system, if I don't take the medicine, I have the risk of fainting and my eyes might bulge out.. I guess that's all for today.. Bye~

It Has Been Confirmed...

It's official.. The medical letter has arrvied.. My blood test shown that I have a thyroid disease.. Not sure which one though.. It could be hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism or even thyroid cancer..

*sigh*.. I can't even take a decent picture without my hands shaking...

Thyriod huh?

Well, I was worried since I lost quite some weight without doing anything.. I suspected that it might be a case of thyroid... What is thyroid? You can it out here

Signs of Undiagnosed Thyroid Condition

1. Difficulty Losing Weight.
2. Weight Changes.
3. Depression and Anxiety.
4. Fatigue.
5. Family History.
6. Menstrual Irregularities and Fertility Problems.
7. Bowel Problems.
8. Hair / Skin Changes.
9. Neck Discomfort/Enlargement.
10. Muscle and Joint Pains, Carpal/Tendonitis Problems.

Out of these 10 signs, 5 of them happened to me.. So does this mean I have undiagnosed thyroid condition?

A Combination Of 3 Songs That Always Accompany Me..

I heard you're doing okay but I want you to know, I'm addicted, I'm addicted to you.. I can't pretend I don't care when you don't think about me.. Do you think I deserve this? I tried to make you happy but you left anyway..

I look around me but all I see is people going nowhere, expecting sympathy.. It's like I'm going through the motions of a scripted destiny.. Tell me where's our inspiration.. If like won't wait I guess it's up to me...

I thought she was happy, but I was wrong.. The note she left it took me by surprise.. Said I've turned into, some other guy.. The things she said that she gave up for me.. She says it was a waste of time

No, we'e not gonna waste another moment in this town.. We won't come back the world is calling out.. Leave the past in the past gonna find the future .. And misery loves company.. Well so long you'll miss me when I'm gone.. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone..

I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you.. But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you.. Now it's over.. Can't forget what you said.. And I never wanna do this again..

Guess I don't really know what I was thinking.. Would've thought we would float but we kept sinking.. And things were so good, when you were in love with some other guy.. He looks just like me, but I made you cry.. You know I don't mean to.. I'm just an asshole sometimes..

Since the day I met you , and after all we've been through, I'm still addicted, I'm addicted to you.. I think you know that it's true.. I'd run a thousand miles to get you.. Do you think I deserve this? I tried to make you happy.. I did all that I could just to keep you but you left anyway..

I never saw myself as being alone.. Maybe that was my problem.. Coz now she's gone.. And I couldn't help but think how things could be.. I hope you're happy, happy without me.. And all the things that she gave up for me, I took for granted time after time..

Procrastination, running circles in my head.. While you sit there contemplating, you're wound up left for dead.. Life is what happens while you're busy making your excuses.. Another day, another casualty but that won't happen to me!

And please don't think I'm complaining, I was just happy to have her for a time.. And if you see her, tell her I said "hello and that I'm doing just fine"

How long will I be waiting? Until the end of time.. I don't know why I'm still waiting.. I can't make you mine..

Won't look back.. When I say goodbye, gonna leave hole behind me.. Gonna take what's mine tonight.. Cause every wasted day becomes a wasted chance.. Gonna wake up feeling sorry cause life won't wait.. I guess it's up to you..

Things Happened For A Reason?

I always wondered if things happened for a reason.. If the breakup didn't come, I wouldn't have lost 24 kgs over the last 3 months.. 117 to 93 within 3 months without everyday exercise.. I rarely jog, or play basketball.. And yet, I lost weight.. A mystery eh? Hmm...

Things That I Noticed After My Breakup...
1. You need to understand sadness before being happy in order to really appreciate it..
2. Enjoy life before getting married huhu..
3. If things don't go as you planned, you need to stay tough and handle it your best..
4. If ppl say "if it's destined to be, I will be ur wife" in other words "kalo ade jodoh..", is pratically bullshit.. How can she agree to get married to someone she don't like? When at that time, she already got someone else? Do you want to get married with someone you don't like?
5. Once you break up, you need to move on.. Hanging on means trouble to you and your ex including people around you..
6. Always listen to people who have experienced that situation.. Asking opinions from someone who don't know everything about your problem is stupidity..
7. Why should you your ex asks favors from you even though they are the who broke your heart? And why should you even accomplish them? She can't even do what I asked her.. So why should I do what she wants?
8. Yeah I know I'm practically a psycho when I'm heart-broken.. Emotionally disturb can be very hazardous!

Btw, do u believe in your horoscopes? My horoscope said that 28 march I will find someone special to me.. Yeah I did found her.. I thought she was meant for me.. Our relationship ended just within 2 weeks.. I kept on hurting her.. She reminded me too much of my ex.. I'm really sorry..

Anyway saturday morning, I have to wake up early.. I have a video recording session.. My friend wanted me to be one of the main characters.. Woot!.. From left, Me :D, the second one is Fendi, and the last one is Nami.. *Side Promotion: Fendi is single.. And so am I" Hahaha! They are some of the friends that I usually hang out with..

Hey..

Hey.. Do u remember..? The day I met you was the first day I started living.. That was it.. That was where it all started.. Then I saw you again the next day.. We were classmates.. I knew in an instant that you were the girl I had seen the day before.. As chance had it, I found out u lived very close to me.. Because I wanted to be together with you, I told you everything about me.. You listened closely to what I had to say.. You even told me your past secrets.. Come to think of it, that might have been the moment.. The moment that I fell for you.. Our relationship and our dates.. I didn't mind any of it.. There was a part of me that was really excited about it.. But I'd never felt that way before, so I had no idea... It was the same when you went out with some other guy.. I felt frustrated, lonely and hopeless at that time.. When you care for me, that was when I thought we had really connected.. That we were going to move forward together.. I really believed it.. Honest..

Our date in genting was fun too.. I had planned on spending the whole time having fun with you, but one thing happened after another.. I was overjoyed when you confessed to me that you loved me.. And when you kissed me, I was so happy that I wanted to start crying like a baby.. And as that feeling came, I thought to myself that I didn't want to be parted from you.. No, I hated even the thought of being separated from you.. When I led u on, I realized that you still have feelings for me.. And from there, things got so crazy I had no idea what was going on..

I'm sorry about that guy.. I was only thinking of myself.. The same with all ur friends.. When I was alone in my room, I was thinking, if only your friends would understand how I feel.. In spite of that, I told you that I hate you even though I love you.. Even though I love you so much.. I love you Azizah.. A whole lot.. So, please, come back to me.. We've decided that we would walk forward together, right? If you were to find another you love, what would happen to me.. I can't move anymore.. I can't go anywhere.. I can't even do anything without thinking of you..

In reality, there are some things that just don't have a correct answer.. Things that you can't do anything about.. There is no way that every people can be happy.. Why not? Because happiness corrupts people.. They get used to the happiness they've found, and seek even more happiness.. People were awfully greedy.. That's why I think people have the emotion called "sadness".. Even thought they contradict each other, people need to be sad to understand happiness..

Guess I have to be sad first before I can understand true happiness.. Only time will heal my pain...

I Just Wanna Say This...

When she's crying, she seemed so small..
When she blushes, she's very cute
When she's mad, she's more than i can handle..
For that girl..
For that girl, I.. I'd do anything for her..

Even if it means that I'll make someone sad because I fell in love with someone..
I want to be together with her..
I don't wanna stand still anymore..
I don't wanna be away from you, I don't wanna let you go...
And even if it means that I'll hurt someone because of it..
Right here and now, I'll be together with you under these stars..

You can see too much of someone and stop understanding.. I think I realized that for the first time.. That it's not just words..

I couldn't tell you properly today.. But I'll make sure to.. There's nothing to worry about and nothing that makes me lose my way..

When I kissed her, I wonder what kind of face does she had then.. What kind of expression.. I've wondered bout that when I hugger her too...

Because I saw her, met her, talked to her, promised her, kissed her, hugged her, and loved by her, I was finally alive.. But now, without her, how can i survive...

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate that you made me so in love with you.. I hate that I loved you too much.. I hate the fact that.. I can't live without you..

No matter what I do, at the end of the day, it's you whom I choose.. It's you whom I wanna be with.. It's you that I wanna grow old with..

This maybe unappropiate, but there's a part of me that feels very happy about this.. Finally I know the happiness of being loved by someone, and the sadness when your loved ones left you...

This is for the best... I need to move forward.. That's what I was desperately telling my heart, which was trying to fight me.. So desperately....

Something To Think About...

Perhaps I was wrong.. Yes, I was wrong to think that she still have some space for me in her heart.. I was wrong to blame other ppl that our relationship became like this.. And most importantly, I was wrong to force her to love me back.. Love can't be forced.. The more I tried to make her love me again, the further she is from me.. My friends told me about their worst breakups.. One of them said she took 1 year to forget about her ex-bf.. And another said he took 3 years to forget bout her.. Must I suffer for another 3 years? I kept on thinking.. Then, out of the blue, I watched a very old movie.. Indecent Proposal.. It's about a loving couple and their challenges.. One day during gambling, they almost lose everything but then they met a billionaire.. The billionaire is willing to pay 1mil to have 1 night with his wife.. Problems arose and both of them can't cope up.. Wanna know more bout the story? Maybe next time huhu.. Anyway, in that movie, there's a phrase..

"If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with.."

Guess I'd have to let her go first.. Hoping that one day, she will finally realize about it and return to me again... Until the end of time, I will never fall in love with another girl ever again..

I've Been Thinking Lately..

In weeks after she left me, I seemed to bring a cloud of gloom into any room.. Of course I still did try to hide it.. But some ppl could've noticed.. People gave me advices.. My sis, mom and dad.. And not to forget my friends.. However, those ppl that I did still see tried to help, but they didn't seem to understand how I really felt.. In fact, in their efforts to try and comfort me, they only seemed to make matters worse! They would say things like "If she was yours to begin with, she will come back to u" or "There are a lot more fished in the sea".. Why can't they understand that I don't really care about other fishes.. She's not a fish to begin with.. I wanted her.. And I still do want her! Every night, I couldn't even sleep as I wonder about her.. How could've she left me.. Why did she left me.. How can I fix this.. I began to blame everything on myself..

Almost all books told me the same things as people around me did.. And the list went on.. I wanted to know why does this have to happened.. Furthermore after 4 years of relationship.. And why now?!!

Around 1 week before our breakup, I gave her this message..

"I'm sorry I was blind before.. I was too busy looking at ur mistakes that I forgot about ur greatness.. I'm sorry sayang.. I really am.. I hope u can give me 1 last chance to prove my love to u..."

For the time being, I still couldn't find ppl who lost their love and won them back.. I tried to get her back.. But it seems like everything i did just made her further away from me.. I need professional help.. *sigh* A friend of mine msged her asking about why she broke up with me.. When I read all the conversation, I was very shocked! Why should she be afraid of me? A guy tried to give up everything for her and yet she didn't respond at all! She kept saying this to me.. "I am still who I am".. Do u still know when u've changed unless someone mentioned it to u? How did she know that she never changed? I can see that she've become her friend.. *sigh* I tried to stop this from happening.. But I guess my actions were wrong..

I didn't need to be angry at all the small mistakes that she did.. I didn't need to yell when I could've said it with gentle and care.. I could've tried to get along with her friends even though they don't like me at all.. I could've said yes when I said no and vice versa.. I could've trusted her when I was still scarred when she betrayed my trust..

I still remember the first few months we spent together.. I used to call her princess and I was her prince.. She was sitting on the throne in my heart and she still does.. Sometime I would pretend to be her slave and do everything she told me to.. I was blind.. I was deeply in love.. Although we quarrel, argue etc, I still love her with all my heart..

Thank You My Beloved..

An Unforgettable Question..

A friend asked me these questions a few days ago..
"What Do U Want From Ur Gf?" and "Which Kind Of Girl Do U Prefer?"

Well, basically, I don't mind how she looks like as long as she loves me with all her heart.. Short or tall doesn't make a difference.. Neither is thin or fat.. Even my last ex wasn't that skinny.. She's just a little bit like average for a girl her height.. Criterias.. Hmm.. Maybe I don't want her to be fatter than I am? I think that's all.. MAYBE.. And obviously I don't want one who tries to be my mom or my sis.. Haha.. What else eh.. I don't mind her being too outgoing or the type who always stays at home.. Basically, I don't care how she looks or what she do.. Haha..

Just like the song from BSB
I don't care who you are,
Where you're from,
Don't care what you did,
As long as you love me

Whoa.. Really reminds me of my childhood.. I was so damn into boy bands for their love songs haha.. I still remember walking in to my sis's room and listen to KRU songs every morning! Hahaha..

Anyway, back to the story.. What do I want from my gf.. Hmm... Obviously it wouldn't be sex.. I don't believe sex is the only solution for good long term relationship.. Maybe discussion is good.. I want her to open up to me for every problem she has and I'd help her in any way I can.. I would like my gf to be a bit talkative since I love to listen to stories and tell stories.. Lastly, I want her to love me with all her heart.. I think that's about it..

1 of the things I like to do for my relationship is I'd like to meet her family and let them know who's been dating their daughter.. I've been like this since my form5.. And unfortunately, only my last ex lets me to meet them.. Growing up, I always see ppl around me argues.. I've said to myself.. I don't wanna be angry.. I don't wanna have a bad temper.. There's always another way to tell her instead of getting angry at her.. Slow talk perhaps? Tolerating their mistake is the best solution for not getting angry.. However, I didn't know why I've been such an angry guy when I was with my ex.. *sigh* nvm.. Let's just forget about things that have been done and move on.. That's the best solution for breakups rite? Someone said to me.. "Mmg time will heal our pains, but it'll leave scars".. To me, I don't think it'll leave scars.. As long as u still hang on to the past, u will feel the pain from the so-called scars.. It doesn't matter what u did as long as u move on.. Look into the future for a change.. When I think about this, I know I shouldn't be hoping that my ex would return to me.. Let bygones be bygones.. Thx for the memories =D

New Info For SAD Party!!

It turns out that the party is FREE!! Yes IT'S FREE!! So the VIP pass I got was just for the goodie bags they'll give inside.. Tomorrow is the day.. I've thought about it.. I'll bring a female friend as my VIP partner.. Woohoo!!

S.A.D Party 2 Days Away

Date: 15th February 2008
Time: 8.00pm Onwards
Dress Code: Single men to come with TIES and Single Ladies to come with Bows
Theme For The Night: Single and Ready to Mingle
Venue: Retro Bar

Come if you're really ready to mingle. Guys come wit TIES to symbolize that you're available, and Ladies... do come wit a BOW on you... to symbolize that they're ready to mingle. Its going to be a party where singles will finally find their soul mates. If you think you've found someone interesting, then just exchange yer' BOWS and TIES... simple rite?

I never thought i'd be going to a club.. I've never been to a club before.. Can u imagine someone around 22 years old never been to a club.. Well I just hope I won't become William Hung there.. Hahaha.. Friday is gonna be something worth waiting for.. Woohooo!

Hmm.. What should I wear? Should I bring a friend along? Or a sibling who've been there? How should I dance? Move with the flow, I guess? I've read some articles about 1st time going to a club.. They mentioned bringing earplugs since the music will be loud.. Anyway, back to the questions, what if I saw a girl, a very interesting girl there, what should I do? What should I talk to her about? Arrrgghhh.. Too many questions.. And I have only 2 days to answer it.. Dang! ><

Think Happy Thoughts!

A few moments ago, I decided to call The Morning Crew @ 0395433311.. Their topic for the morning was being happy for the valentine's day.. At that moment, they were asking a woman whether a footrub will make her happy or not.. Then Junior gave Rudy a footrub.. The video is on hitz.fm website although i couldn't find it anywhere..

I told him i just broke up with my gf.. He asked when and how long were the relationship.. I said nearly 4 years and I broke up with her 2 weeks ago.. And he mentioned SAD party to me.. Singles Awareness Day.. Isn't it unfair that couples have their own day and singles don't? That's the reason of SAD party.. He told me he's gonna give me the 1st invite and VIP pass to me.. Wow.. Nice! Thx so much Hitz.Fm.. At least now I'm happy again =D

Ada Apa Denganmu

I was listening to some lectures from my parents about life and relationship.. And then, suddenly, my sister's hp rang.. There was an incoming sms.. And the ringtone was a parody by Saiful Apek of Ada Apa Denganmu originally by Peter Pan.. Listening to the original song, I wondered about stuffs.. Haha

Song lyrics | Ada Apa Denganmu lyrics


How I wish I could've gone back in time and repair this mistake *sigh*

What Should I Do?...

Hmmm... I'm lost... A few days ago a girl asked me to be his temp bf.. I don't know whether i should accept it or not.. Well, besides it's a temp relationship, i mean, we're bf and gf when we go out together only.. Other times, we're friends.. No emotion attached.. Well, I did like her some time ago.. In her, I see some attributes i like and she's cute too! =)

On the other hand, there's a girl i've been trying to get close to.. I don't know whether I got a chance with her or not.. She's been replying to my sms, we talked, asked her what she'd like for v day, if she'd like to go out with me etc.. Some infos are being hidden for certain reasons hahaha

Well, I feel like I wanna take the risk to be the temp bf.. Like my ex in secondary school told me, "Puppy love can become true love if we worked on it".. I still remember her words.. And so... Back to the story.. I need to forget my ex.. I can't stop being emotional for the last few weeks.. *sigh*

Another thing that happened for the last few days was.. My recent ex called me.. The one that made me blogging again.. Asking me how i've been doing etc.. And after that, she sent me a message saying.. "If one day I want to return to u, will u accept me back? But i'm not sure when..." I'm really lost now.. I don't know what to do anymore.. Ppl keep telling me to forget her but I couldn't.. Yet!.. Only time will heal my pain.. I hope..

So Close By Jon McLaughlin

Song lyrics | So Close lyrics

I've Been Dreaming Of A True Love's Kiss~

When you meet the someone who was meant for you
Before two can become one there is something we must do
Do you pull each others tails?
Do you feed each other seeds?
No, there is something sweeter everybody needs

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
And a prince I'm hoping comes with this
That's what brings everaftering so happy
And that's the reason we need lips so much
Four lips are the only things that touch
So to spend a life of endless bliss
Just find who you love through true love's kiss

Shes been dreaming of a true love's kiss
And a prince she's hoping comes with this
That's what brings everaftering so happy
And that's the reason we need lips so much
Four lips are the only things that touch

So to spend a life of endless bliss
Just find who you love through true love's kiss

You're the fairest maid I've ever met
You were made to finish our duet
And in years to come we'll reminisce
How we came to love
And grow and grow love
Since first we knew love through true love's kiss


Prince Edward sang this after several minutes in the movie..

I’ve been dreaming of a true love kiss
And a miss I have begun to miss
Pure and sweet waiting to complete
My love song

Yes somewhere there’s a maiden I’ve never met

Dewa - Dewi

Here’s the lyircs

Dewi from Kerajaan Cinta by Dewa 19

Dewi aku mohon beri kesempatan
Tuk bisa menebus dosaku kepadamu
Maafkanlah aku yang menyakitimu
Aku tidak pernah menyangka bisa begini

Oh dewi, dengarkanlah

Dewi kaulah hidupku
Aku cinta padamu sampai mati
Dewi belahlah dadaku
Agar kau tahu
Agar kau mengerti

Wou wou wou

Semua terjadi begitu saja
Tak ada yang serius antara dia dan aku
Tidak ada cinta dan tak ada hati
Hanya karena aku lelaki dan dia wanita

Time To Say Goodbye...

I guess our relationship is over and there's nothing i can do about it.. I decided to stop contacting my ex for a while.. Let things cool down for a while before contacting her again.. But then.. What can i do to set my mind off this thing?? As a last post for her, I'll dedicate this song for her..

Time To Say Goodbye

(this is the translation)
Time to say goodbye

When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
There is no light in a room where there is no sun
and there is no sun if you're not here with me, with me.
From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.
Into me you've poured the light,
the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
it's time to say goodbye.

When you're far away I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
And of course I know that you're with me, with me.
You, my moon, you are with me.
My sun, you're here with me with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,

I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you.

You and me.

The True Story..

If I were to write everything I felt and experienced, I don't think that this page is big enough.. I can only summarize it into several parts..

During the 1st 2 years we were togerther, I barely got angry with my gf.. I didn't even raise my voice at her.. Ever since she started hanging out with a new group of friends, everything went wrong.. She priotized them.. She was willing to cancel our date just to hang out with them.. She can never say no to them but it's the opposite with me.. Even when I told her to come and have lunch with me at my house WITH MY FAMILY, she declined.. Reason? "Tak manis anak gadis pegi umah teman lelaki".. I know I've been very controlling.. I asked her to sms me everything she wanna do things, everytime she wanna go out, with who and when.. I asked her to ask for my permission first before going out.. It was ok for the 1st 2 years in our relationship..

But then, after she started out her 2nd year degree, she became stubborn.. She hardly msg me unless i asked her first.. She became more outgoing with her friends.. There was one time where she called me.. And she was crying at that time becoz she couldn't do her exam very well.. During that sem, she was very outgoing.. Everywhere her friends go, she'd be there with them even though i didn't allow it.. So, as a result, she got scolded by me.. She knew she didn't had enough study and yet she still went out with her friends.. How smart is that? Then, another time, it happened like my last post.. About the skip class..

Then, one day, we argued about her friend.. Let's say there were A and B which were girls and C which is a guy.. C asked A to be his gf.. Then A started dragging C everywhere.. To open houses, gaths, etc.. And then, one day, C left A for B.. Even though A and B were friends, how can B seduce C? How can she steal him from A? Maybe u'll see that best woman wins.. But! If u like ur friend's bf, will u try to take him away from ur friend? Now.. We can see that B is wrong in this situation.. However, my gf still defends B and argued with me..

I still don't understand why my gf must hide stuffs from me? Relationship is mostly based on honesty and trust.. How can i trust her when she's not honest with me? The last few years.. We changed infos as password.. Infos such as birthdays, address, phone numbers, fav number, how to spell our name using only numpads (imagine typing on hp.. example, hisyam would be 44444777733326 then, change into simpler form, 447326..) She would use my info and I would use hers.. Before this, there was no problem at all with me going into her friendster and see who's checking her out.. Then, last month(Jan 2008), she got angry when i went into her friendster and straight away changed her password.. Why must she change her pass if she got nothing to hide from me? Why can't she let me read her sms if she got nothing to hide from me?

Anyway, back to the story, since the last 1 year and 10 months, since she started hanging out with new friends and became close to them, she started to change.. She's been priotizing her friends over me and I would get angry becoz of that.. Ppl been saying she's not my wife and she doesn't deserve to be controlled.. If i can't even control her when she's still my gf, how can i control her when she became my wife? Let's see.. Should I control 4-6 years of her life or should I control 40-60 years of her life? How can i rest assured that my wife won't betray me when she already annoyed me when she's a gf?? How can i give some freedom to her knowing that she wouldn't use it correctly..

The latest even that happened between the 2 of us was event no 1 in my last post.. How could she didn't tell me when she wanna go out, where, when and with whom?.. Furthermore, it was after 12 midnight! I tried to call her from 12.15 until 12.40.. Couldn't reach her.. Phone was off.. I tried to find her using Friendfinder services.. It was in hide mode.. If phone was off and not in hide mode, it'll just say "His(Her) location information is currently unavailable".. But that time, it was "phone is not in HIDE mode. His(Her) location information is not available now".. I tried to call her housemates, they said she's doing lab.. I asked for her lab partner's number which btw was a guy, and they all declined to give me.. "Owh I'm scared he will get angry with me" "I don't wanna get involve in this".. As if i'm gonna tell him who gave his number to me.. One of her friends tried to call her lab partner.. Let's say he's M.. She said she couldn't reach M.. Not there was no answer.. So, assuming that both of them had their hp switched off and in hide mode, I rushed to SA that night around 1 o'clock.. I reach there around 1.30 and there was no guard at the gate.. I waited around 10 minutes and then only i saw them coming from a mamak stall nearby.. I asked him I wanna see my gf and explained she was doing lab but I couldn't reach her in her hp.. The guard said my gf already left long time ago with M.. After that I tried searching at all the mamak stalls nearby her house.. Still couldn't find her.. Then I decided to wait in front of her house.. Started waiting around 2.. I could hear laughing and talking from inside her house and inside her room.. And then, around 3 o'clock, her friend sms me saying how she said she's ok and she wanted me to go back home.. I was like.. "eh, just now couldn't call him.. How did she tell her? Why couldn't she inform me first?".. Then around 3.20, she called me.. Can u guess wat's the 1st thing she said to me? It was "Can u go back home? I'm ok here".. Of coz u're ok but I'm not.. How can i be ok when she couldn't say she's sorry as she didn't tell me she's went out with a guy AFTER 12.. And moreover, she still wanna argue and tell me to go back.. I snapped! I screamed inside the car.. I yelled "GET BACK HERE!!" as loud as I can.. Not once but 3 times.. And the next yell was louder than the last one.. Then, I can hear all the talking and laughter inside her room suddenly quiet.. She was on the phone for 1-2 minutes only.. So the time now is 3.23am.. Then, after 30 minutes only she arrived with her friend.. She told me subang was near.. Around 15 minutes only.. If 15 minutes then why was she late? What was she doing until the time doubles?? Then, I knocked at her friend's car.. Asking him his phone number.. He replied "Her mom also never ask me my number.. Why should i give u?" Her mom is her mother.. Not her boyfriend.. I can't believe how idiotic can 1 guy be.. He didn't even say sorry taking my gf out or was late.. She told me.. That night.. She went out to do some work with that guy.. Then, one of his friends met him.. After that, they all went out.. Imagine this.. Hp inside car, but friend still can know where he is without him telling them.. How coincidental is that? M's friend went to A&W and meet M when M's phone is still inside his car, and they went somewhere else to eat.. Is it me or is it planned from the beginning?

Then they went out to eat at subang.. Why can't they go eat at Shah Alam? I know by this time, M already know I'm already here, waiting for her.. If he didn't, it meant it's her housemate's fault for not informing.. And still, she tried to backup her friend.. "I wanted to eat rice and not at mamak stall".. U wanna eat rice go eat at someplace nearer.. If u don't wanna eat at mamak, then eat sooner.. Don't wait until 2 o'clock only u went eat.. I really can accept she did some work with that guy.. Really! I can! But what i can't accept is, why can't she meet me first before I go back? Why must she hide that guy's hp number? She told me "20 cents how to sms?".. Maxis to maxis was as low as 5 cent per sms.. Or maybe 7 cent for him.. Why can't she have the initiative to inform me thru public? There're a lot of public phones inside Shah Alam and Subang.. Why she still can't inform me? And most importantly, why must she follows him to subang and eat? Why can't she said NO to M and went back to SA to eat??

I don't understand.. If ur friend has relationship problems and he or she told u about it, it means u're already involved in it.. And yet, some ppl say "oh I don't wanna get involve".. If u don't wanna get involve, then don't listen to her.. Why can't she sacrifices her friends for me? Why can't she priotizes me instead of her friends?

*added 2 Feb 2008
Btw, I forgot to add this in.. A week before she went out with that guy, I fetch her and she said she was sorry for all the things she did for the last three weeks.. And yet, she did those things AGAIN after 6 days.. *sigh*.. She told my sis she dodn't love me anymore.. Well, if she don't love me anymore, why did she say sorry?

Tell Me Wat U Feel..

Wat do u feel IF..
1. ur gf went out with a friend (guy) who she feels as if her brother, after 12 to do some work and meet that guy's friend afterwards? She didn't even bother to tell u where she went with a guy lab partner even though she could've used that guy's hp to tell u? (in this case, u already informed ur gf that u want her to tell u wherever she goes)
2. ur gf defends her friends against u even though they're wrong?
3. ur gf skips class when it's raining becoz her friend asked her to even though she owns a car and she declines to skip when u ask her to just to go out with her? (the very same time and day only a few weeks later)


Feel free to leave a comment..

Kerna Ku Sayang Kamu...

I dedicate this song to me ex-gf.. If she's reading this, I just wanna say 1 thing...
Lose ur friends or Lose ur relationship.. No BF can accept wat u did for the last few weeks



DYGTA - Karna Ku Sayang Kamu

Seandainya, kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu, yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Ku ingin bersama dirimu
Ku takkan pernah, berpaling darimu
Walau kini, kau jauh dariku
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Hati ini, selalu memanggil namamu
Dengarlah melatiku
Ku berjanji, hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yg lain

Adakah rindu di hatimu
Seperti rindu yang kurasa
Sanggupkah kuterus terlena
Tanpamu disisiku, ku kan slalu menantimu

Seandainya, kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu, yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu

Ku tak akan pernah, berpaling darimu
Walau kini, kau jauh dariku
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Not Being Involved Facts!

not being involve doesn't mean don't help when we're arguing.. it's simply stfu and mind ur own business before giving any aspects or suggestions to my gf.. xnak involve jgn masuk campur langsung.. jgn tolong dlm relationship die.. jgn tolong bile die sedih.. pendek kata, jgn buat ape2 langsung la.. aku bukan nak kurang ajar cume nak bagi korang sedar ape maksud "xnak masuk campur".. yg kelakarnya, siap ade yg bawak gf aku kuar sorang2 lak tu.. gf orang pandai2 la.. xkan nak bawak kuar lepas kul 12.. use ur brain pls.. ape korang rasa kalo laki lain bawak gf korang kuar lepas kul 12 berdua2an? sape yg x marah? baru aku tau betapa die pentingkan rakan2 dari bf sendiri.. sanggup xnak sms sbb xnak kantoikan nombor member dari bagitau bf yg tengah sibuk msg dgn call rakan2 lain tanya kat mane die.. thx so much for ruining our relationship

Irresponsibles! *sigh*

Some ppl say they don't wanna get involved with my problems with my gf.. One thing for sure.. They don't know they've already involved in this long before they know it.. They've already involved in this when they became my gf's friends.. As a friend; a true friend, would help us solve this problem in order not to make my gf sad.. Well, I know that some of the probs are becoz of my hot temper, but then, u guys are making it worse by not helping.. Thus, making all the blames go to her.. Furthermore, when she said to u guys don't get involved, u were already involved with this...

Another thing that makes me pissed off is.. One of her close friend declines to give his phone number.. His reason? "Her mom doesn't even want my phone number.. Why should u?".. Wow! Nice reply.. Very 'matured'.. Anyway, her mom doesn't know u take out her daughter after midnight so stop whining about it.. Her mom doesn't even let me go out with her after midnight, so why should u go out with her when her mom doesn't even know about it? Like I said, stop whining to not get involved and do something for ur friend.. Ur lab partner.. Ur close friend.. She even told me u were like a brother to her.. Is it wrong to get the phone number of someone that close to my gf? Think about it..

When u encountered a problem, a bystander will just watch but a true friend will help

What Do U Think Of This??

When your friends have relationship problems, aren't u already involved since u're their friend? and yet, telling someone NOT to get involve, made him or her already involved in that problem.. thanks to my gf, one of her friends is considered an asshole to me.. before this, i got into an arguement with my gf.. AGAIN.. and then, she told her best friend not to get involve and don't help me with anything.. let me give u one situation... when u call ur spouse and she wouldn't answer or reply ur messages, what do u do?? i've asked a lot of ppl about this.. and most of them said contact her closest friend.. think bout it.. do u call her family which was far away from her? or do u call someone close to her who might know where her whereabouts are?

*Sigh* I've Been Turned Down..

I admit I've been quarrelling with my gf over some small details. And I've used harsh words to her. I was wrong. I know. Maybe becoz she wouldn't listen to what I've said. Or maybe becoz I was emotionally disturb at that time and she made me snap. One thing for sure. She cares more about the dressing rather than the taste. I don’t think she noticed the things I said. Instead, she noticed the harsh words I said.

Growing up in my house, I was often called stupid or useless by my family. Enraged, I work hard to prove them wrong. And now, they finally notice about my usefulness. I wanted my gf to be more encouraged. That’s why I’ve called her stupid, never use her brain and lots more. Unfortunately, she took everything as realistic and thought of herself the same as every thing I’ve said. I know some of it is true but not EVERYTHING. Why can’t she work hard to prove me wrong?

I guess my reverse psychology has failed. And now, I’m on the verge of breaking up with my gf. I’ve tried everything. I tried to console her, but she rejected me. I’ve beaten myself up until I coughed up blood, and still she rejected me. Everything I do, and STILL she rejected me. Now, all I can do is just hope she’ll come back to me.

This Song Is Dedicated To My Gf..
Tak Bisakah – Peter Pan




Hatiku Bimbang Dengan Tetap Pikirkanmu
Selalu, Selalu Dalam Hatiku
Ku Melangkah Sejauh Apapun Itu
Selalu Kau Didalam Hatiku

Ku Berjalan, Berjalan Memutar Waktu
Berharap Temukan Sisa Hatimu
Mengertilah Ku Ingin Engkau Begitu
Mengerti Kau Di Dalam Hatiku

Tak Bisakah Kau Menungguku
Hingga Nanti Tetap Menunggu
Tak Bisakah Kau Menuntunku
Menemani Dalam Hidupku

Ku Berjalan, Berjalan Memutar Waktu
Berharap Temukan Sisa Hatimu
Mengertilah Ku Ingin Engkau Begitu
Mengerti Kau Didalam Hatiku

Jangan Kau Mencari Hidupku
Kemana Kau Tau Isi Hatiku
Tunggu Sejenak Aku Disitu
Jalanku Jalan Menemukanmu

Tak Bisakah Kau Menungguku
Hingga Nanti Tetap Menunggu
Tak Bisakah Kau Menuntunku
Menemani Dalam Hidupku

Kekasih Gelapku – Ungu

Song lyrics | Kekasih Gelapku lyrics