Saturday, March 1, 2008

I've Been Thinking Lately..

In weeks after she left me, I seemed to bring a cloud of gloom into any room.. Of course I still did try to hide it.. But some ppl could've noticed.. People gave me advices.. My sis, mom and dad.. And not to forget my friends.. However, those ppl that I did still see tried to help, but they didn't seem to understand how I really felt.. In fact, in their efforts to try and comfort me, they only seemed to make matters worse! They would say things like "If she was yours to begin with, she will come back to u" or "There are a lot more fished in the sea".. Why can't they understand that I don't really care about other fishes.. She's not a fish to begin with.. I wanted her.. And I still do want her! Every night, I couldn't even sleep as I wonder about her.. How could've she left me.. Why did she left me.. How can I fix this.. I began to blame everything on myself..

Almost all books told me the same things as people around me did.. And the list went on.. I wanted to know why does this have to happened.. Furthermore after 4 years of relationship.. And why now?!!

Around 1 week before our breakup, I gave her this message..

"I'm sorry I was blind before.. I was too busy looking at ur mistakes that I forgot about ur greatness.. I'm sorry sayang.. I really am.. I hope u can give me 1 last chance to prove my love to u..."

For the time being, I still couldn't find ppl who lost their love and won them back.. I tried to get her back.. But it seems like everything i did just made her further away from me.. I need professional help.. *sigh* A friend of mine msged her asking about why she broke up with me.. When I read all the conversation, I was very shocked! Why should she be afraid of me? A guy tried to give up everything for her and yet she didn't respond at all! She kept saying this to me.. "I am still who I am".. Do u still know when u've changed unless someone mentioned it to u? How did she know that she never changed? I can see that she've become her friend.. *sigh* I tried to stop this from happening.. But I guess my actions were wrong..

I didn't need to be angry at all the small mistakes that she did.. I didn't need to yell when I could've said it with gentle and care.. I could've tried to get along with her friends even though they don't like me at all.. I could've said yes when I said no and vice versa.. I could've trusted her when I was still scarred when she betrayed my trust..

I still remember the first few months we spent together.. I used to call her princess and I was her prince.. She was sitting on the throne in my heart and she still does.. Sometime I would pretend to be her slave and do everything she told me to.. I was blind.. I was deeply in love.. Although we quarrel, argue etc, I still love her with all my heart..