"I need you"

Sometimes, how nice it would be if the person you care about, says that they really need you.. You'll feel the importance, the significance of yourself in their life..

It would definitely bring the person a very big smile, when you say that you need them.. Think about it, that person might be sad, annoyed, or even angry, but then, when you, someone important to them, says that you need them, it would definitely cheer them up..

However, do keep in mind that, if you do this to almost everyone, it might have a reversed effect.. Especially if you do it to the wrong person.. Never and NEVER do this to your one-sided love.. At least be sure that they don't already have someone else in mind...

Good luck in making someone's day brighter ;)

Anxiety kills ;)

Before sharing with you the secrets to becoming a vibrant, supremely self confident person who is ultra attractive to the opposite gender, I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you....

Have you ever seen someone from across the room that you really like, or who you'd really love to meet.... but were too overwhelmed by fear and nervousness to go over and start a conversation?

Have you ever felt like you don't deserve the kind of person that you are REALLY attracted to, and as a result always settle for second best?

Have you ever felt yourself shaking with self-consciousness when you are talking to someone that you've got a crush on? Lost your words? Can't be your best self?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you got emotionally insecure and ended up driving your partner away by your clinginess and insecurity?

Have you ever fallen in love with someone before you've even dated them and got jealous and upset when they go out with someone else?

When you're not self confident, then you get nervous and act differently at times when you feel stressed or need to be at your best.. For example on a date, or when you talk to someone you're attracted to..

If your confidence betrays you at these vital times, then you may well struggle to make your life turn out the way you want it to.. Confidence is attractive, and without it, it's difficult to attract a really good catch.

Why?

People base their assumptions of you on what they know of you. That's why first impressions can be so hard to change.. If that's all they know of you, then as far as the other person is concerned, that image they have in their head of you IS YOU..

So if you meet someone you are attracted to and act nervous, fumble your words, and run out of things to say.. Then as far as the other person knows, you are someone who is nervous, fumbles their words and runs out of things to say..

Of course a little nervousness with a smile can be endearing and can even help you, but if you can't let your best self shine through soon and if you end up getting so nervous that you just want to get out of there, then it's hard to see that person you like ever be attracted to you..

Also, it's really unfortunate that people may assume from your shy or nervous behavior that you simply don't like being around them.. They pick up on your discomfort. They may end up becoming quite negative towards you as a result, because they think that you've rejected them first—when in reality you just didn't know what to say or do..

Reasons? Simply because...

Anxiety that you may never be able to attract and keep the kind of person that you REALLY want. If you've ever felt this kind of anxiety then you'll know PRECISELY what I am talking about.. It plays on your mind all the time..

Anxiety that the person that you want isn't interested in you, or is interested in someone else. If you've ever been through this kind of mental struggle, then you'll probably also be aware that it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that could well turn out far different if you didn't create all this internal tension by playing these mind games with yourself.. Find out how to stop these anxious thoughts and how to replace them with positive ones!

Anxiety about what to say next. Do you ever suddenly freeze up when you're around a person who you're attracted to? Perhaps you get the exact opposite and talk too much, too fast.. Either way, be yourself and wash the anxiety away when talking to the opposite gender..

Anxiety about what you look like. Do you worry that you don't look attractive enough to attract a hottie? Do you feel like you can't attract the person of your dreams until you lose x pounds? Or until you get a tan? Feel great, exactly as you are, because attractiveness comes from within first!

Love is like a Drug?

 Love of family, and platonic love, are not so susceptible to scientific probing.. But since my first disastrous infatuation with a girl I believed to be my eternal soul mate, I've been convinced that romantic love is a profoundly physical rather than spiritual phenomenon..

In romantic love, our neurons and our hormones, our brains and our blood pressure, our stomachs and hearts, are in a state of upheaval.. And if we check out the behavior of our close primate relatives, we can detect links between human bonding of the romantic love type, and evolutionary survival pressures.. In fact, there's no area of physiology, or behavioral and evolutionary biology, that doesn't boast an explanatory claim to romantic love..

The feeling that romantic love is akin to being "besotted" lies deep in western folk memory.. From the ancient Greek myth of the centaur Nessus and his dangerous love potions, to E M Forster's lovesick Maurice's complaint that he is "drugged", our forebears have characterized romantic love as a potent substance.. But is it generated within, or outside, the body? Many of our ancestors cited external influences: drugged arrows, spells, planetary forces, charms, potions..

A medieval recipe for a "true-love powder" states: "Take elecampane, the seeds and flowers of vervain, and the berries of mistletoe.. Beat them, after being well dried in an oven, into a powder, and give it to the party you design upon in a glass of wine and it will work wonderful effect to your advantage.."

But Galen, the 2nd-century Greek "prince of physicians", insisted that the affliction was purely a matter of internal chemistry.. It's what happens, he asserted, when the crucial four bodily fluids, or humours — yellow bile, black bile, phlegm and blood — get into a muddle.. For Galen's followers, right down to Robert Burton, author of The Anatomy of Melancholy, the theory of humoralism held good.. Galen was eventually displaced by 19th-century theories of cell biology, but modern physiologists nevertheless share his broad conviction that romantic love is induced by powerful natural bodily chemicals.. In our own day, the favoured chemical explanation focuses on a molecule called PEA: phenylethylamine, a kind of natural amphetamine that revs up the brain and the central nervous system.. PEA causes the experience of euphoria, hyperventilation, increased heart rate, dilated pupils, and secretions of odors that can seduce an unsuspecting love object.. The eye of the chemical storm is in the brain..

The brain in romantic love resembles a huge geological and meteorological event: earthquakes, cyclones, tsunamis.. It's as if the ecosystem of the lover's brain, the pulsing grey-blue-green planet in the skull, suffers a drastic depletion of the protective cortical ozone layer, triggering neuronal global warming with consequent atmospheric storms..

The notion that reason goes to pot in romantic love fits with a popular mind-brain theory first proposed in the 1970s.. The outer brain, or cortex, which evolved late in evolution, is associated with rational thought and intelligence.. The midbrain, known as the limbic system, regulates the emotions.. But there's a deep inner core, located at the final bulb where the spinal cord enters the brain where lurk our darker, primeval, instinctive behaviors of territoriality, mating and reward-seeking..

But whether the nature of romantic love is revealed by nurture rather than nature, by evolution rather than hormones, psychodynamics rather than behaviourism, there are significant lessons to be learnt from the science of statistics.. Divorces, steadily on the increase these past five decades, now run at a rate of more than 50% in the highly concentrated residential districts of the southeast of England. The figures do not include the failed heterosexual partnerships that never reached marriage, nor homosexual partnerships, but the statistics reinforce the message that we should be sceptical about romantic love as a prelude to lasting love.. And yet, statistics also reveal that, despite the scepticism, marriages are on the increase, at a rate of about 2% per annum.. The notion that romantic love is worth it, that it can transform to permanent attachment, is not only far from dead, it is evidently alive and well and thriving..

At a conference on love held about 30 years ago in the US, the delegates agreed that romantic love should be defined as "a cognitive-affective state characterized by intrusive and obsessive fantasizing concerning reciprocity of amorant feelings by the object of the amorance".. That, of course, is the problem of seeking to understand romantic love in clunking scientific language.. Science tells us much that is interesting about love.. But to describe what it is really like to fall in love, subjectively, personally, and to understand why we continue to embark on its exciting, as well as painful and hazardous, journey, we must turn to other kinds of human discourse: poetry, fiction, memoir, and real-life experience..

Lovesick?

So deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally.. I awake every morning, thinking on her, having dreamt of her all night, the pain of separation searing your heart every time a site or smell brings back the memory of your last encounter.. Daydreaming, drawing hearts in the sand, constantly thinking "I wish she's here so I could share this moment" even when pulling weeds or walking around.. The consuming fire within the heart for even one more moment with ones love that defies rational thought, knowing full well, one moment would never be enough, yearning for eternity together..

The close relationship between the two might help modern day doctors in both their diagnoses and treatments..

I feel that lately, I've been quite fatigued.. Even though I had a total of 9 hours of sleep.. It maybe due to the hypoglycemia but then, does hypoglycemia cause fever? I've done some googling and here's some of the interesting facts I've found...

Lovesickness has its own symptoms, such as insomnia, depression, loss of appetite, loss of interest in everyday life and work, obsessive thoughts, mental intrusions and a frequent inclination to cry..

Then comes the bigger question, am I really lovesick? I'm not saying that I'm thinking of her all the time, but there are times when my mind would fill up with unanswered questions.. And they are not entirely about her as well!

Actually, it might be better this way.. I know I just couldn't sit around and do nothing.. As a question pops up in my mind, if they are not other people related, I would just simply google it up, and find deeper understanding about it.. Once I understand what it is all about, my worries, my insecurities are gone..

Here's some of the symptoms of Lovesickness...

Clammy Hands

Clammy hands and dry mouth are a sign of being love sick.. The body's nervous system goes haywire--too much moisture in the hands, too little moisture in the mouth..

Preoccupation

When the lover is not nearby, the love sick person will feel bereft, depressed, moody, tearful, anxious and preoccupied.. The love sick person will experience loss of appetite..

Rapid Heartbeat

Upon seeing the lover, rapid heartbeat is usually paired with a rush of emotion in the chest.. The pumping of the heart can cause blushing in the face and neck..

Confusion

Confusion may occur when the lover is nearby.. Stuttering, staring and clumsiness are all aspects of this symptom..

Symptom Duration

Despite its intensity, love sickness is a passing state of mind, lasting anywhere from a few days, to a few months.. It's difficult to retain the intense level of emotion that love sickness awakens in the body--usually the feelings lead the lover to either express her feelings and reduce the anxiety, or as time passes, the feelings lose their power as the reality of getting to know the real person takes away from the fantasy..

Doubts...

I've been having insecurities for the last few days.. My instinct is saying to let go... But my heart is saying to stay.. Even though it's hurting... As for my mind, it's been saying.. I have to follow this through the end.. Words I've said.. I must comply.. I'm not one who would simply make promises and giving up before it has really ended.. My principle.. My beliefs.. And my pride..

Though my heart aches so much, I still can't stop thinking about it.. I would really like to make things work.. Nothing is as important anymore..

Arghhh.. Being an optimist can sometimes be a pain in the ass.. Despite that, I know that things will work out in the end.. one way or another...

Helping Hand..

I've noticed that my last post was about getting over an ex.. But then, most of it is only applicable when the breakup happened to you.. Now, what would you do if a friend is having trouble getting over an ex? More importantly, what if that friend is someone you admire.. Someone you love? What should you do then?

The answer is out there.. And I intend to find it...

Relationships.. Heal Or Leave..

It very easy to get into a relationship, but when the relationship begins having major challenges, goes sour and you don't know what to do, then your decisions become much more difficult..

Whether you decide you want to stay with your partner and begin working to revitalize your relationship or to move on, here are some strategies and ideas to help you move forward in a more empowering way..

It seems that everywhere you look, many long-standing relationships and/or marriages are troubled or dissolving.. If you're like most people, when this happens, you find yourself stuck in thinking about the past, wondering what went wrong, and unable to move from the pain of the relationship.. It doesn't matter whether you leave, stay or were left-one of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to leave the past behind and not carry old “baggage” into the new life you would like to have..

We have each been through the break-up of a major, long-standing relationship and have come to appreciate those times in our lives- even though both divorces were very painful.. We each, in our own ways, learned how to begin healing by not burying our feelings and to start moving toward what we wanted most in our lives instead of living in the past..

If you've been living with the question of whether to stay or go for any length of time you have undoubtedly experienced a great deal of painful feelings surrounding the challenges of this relationship..

It's important to learn from the past but it's equally as important to not stay stuck in it.. Whether you have decided to stay or leave, you have to move forward as if you are starting fresh with a brand new relationship.. What I'm about to share with you are the five keys that  are the most important to help move you from your past to healing and start you on your way to creating a new, more vibrant life..

Key 1: Never look at a relationship (or anything else) that hasn't so far worked out as a failure

Often it's the seed of a current or past “failure” that fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of.. It sounds trite, but there's always something you can learn from every experience..

Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them.. It's the power of contrast that living in an unfulfilling relationship may give you..

After a break-up, one should realized what this relationship had taught him/her and that it wasn't a “failure..” This relationship had helped him/her to define the type of partner he/she would really resonate with--someone who was on a similar spiritual path, someone she could have a deep connection with, and someone who loved to be with groups of people..

What I've learned is that if a relationship isn't working out, it is not a bad thing or a failure that our society likes to label it.. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other “lessons..”

I'm not suggesting that you take your relationships lightly and throw them away at the first sign of conflict--Quite the contrary.. What I'm saying is that the purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow.. Even the relationships that are the most troubling to us can be gifts in learning more about ourselves.. Those people who really get under our skin can be our best teachers.. I suggest that you look at all of your relationships as growth experiences and move forward consciously by learning from them..

Here are some questions to help you with this:

* What did I learn about myself by being in a relationship with this person?

* How did it help me to move forward and heal, learn and grow?

* What new beliefs did I take on or let go of as a result of being in a particular relationship?

Key 2: Turn from the past and look toward the future … YOUR future

Sometimes after a separation or during the process of rebuilding a relationship, we find ourselves dwelling in the past, our thoughts consumed with that other person and past events.. You will begin to heal when you start thinking and writing about what you want for your life--today and in the future..

I've found out that the key to moving forward in your new life is to figure out what you want your new life to look like and you can start small-but start..

Here are some ideas that can help you with this process:

* If you or your partner left your relationship, remove photos of your past partner that are prominently positioned in your house (You don't have to destroy them.. Just put them away..)

* If you're staying in the same house that you and your partner shared, move the furniture and put some different things on the walls.. Different inexpensive items that are “you” can really help you to move from your past into your present and future.. Even if you are revitalizing your relationship, clear out some clutter together and you won't believe how that will help..

* Sign up for a class that will get you physically active-yoga, Tai Chi, martial arts, aerobics, swimming, tennis, dancing.. Get your body moving! When you get your body moving, endorphins are released into your bloodstream that help you to feel more positive and uplifted..

* If you are on your own, find a support group-people who will not support you in being a victim or rehash why you left, but groups who will stimulate you into new thought and new ideas..

* If you are revitalizing your relationship, taking a class together at your local university, church or community center can help steer you in new directions together.. Also thinking about setting and implementing new goals for yourselves and for your relationship will create movement which in turn creates healing..

Key 3: Take 100% responsibility for the relationship -no more and no less

When a relationship experiences challenges, very often we want to assign fault and blame.. When you are in a healthy relationship with another person, both people are equally responsible for the relationship.. If a relationship isn't working, the same thing applies.. No matter who appears to be at fault when challenges come up, both people are responsible..

If you are taking more than your share of your responsibility for the relationship not working out the way you would like, you are being a martyr.. If you take less than 100% responsibility for the relationship not working out, you are being a victim.. You can only heal when you have let go of “fault” and “blame” and focus on letting go of the past and how you can do it differently in the future..

This can be a very difficult process if you are hanging on to the need to be right, anger, judgments and unexpressed resentments- especially if you feel your partner hasn't or won't take any responsibility for the health of the relationship..

Forgiving and forgetting may seem to be beyond reality for you now.. It's like if someone says to you, “Don't think of the color blue” “Don't think of the color blue” “Don't think of the color blue,” no matter how hard you try, you probably can't stop visualizing or thinking about the color blue..

The same thing happens when you try to “forget” a negative situation that has an emotional charge to it.. No matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to do it.. We believe that instead of forgiving and forgetting, you have to forgive and let go..

Many people wanting to know how they can forgive when they have been wronged--a spouse cheated on them; they've been abused in one way or another; or maybe their feelings have been hurt and they don't feel loved or valued.. What we can find is actually that the process of healing oneself when a relationship has ended or when a relationship is given a “second chance” requires more than forgiveness.. You must also let go..

But let go of what?

In almost all cases when you are having a difficult time forgiving someone, you are holding on to an attachment of some kind or another.. The attachments most commonly manifest themselves in the need to be justified, the need to be honored, the need to be right, the need to be vindicated, the desire for revenge, and the inability to move past fear..

So when you are holding onto an attachment, what you are actually doing is holding onto a position which is serving you in some way but it is not moving you forward in healing the relationship.. I suggest that you let go of negativity and attachments by deciding to drop them-by deciding that you no longer want to carry and live with the pain and suffering that you have been living.. Decide that you deserve the happiness that you want..

Key 4: Learn from the patterns of the past.. Stay conscious in all your relationships so that you won't repeat the same mistakes

One woman I know is trying to do it differently after several relationships that ended.. She is opening her heart to the possibilities of having the type of relationship that she has wanted but has somehow, up until now, eluded her.. She is starting a new relationship without expectations and is just focusing on being real, authentic and being true to herself.. She's not playing any of the roles she's played in the past as she enters this relationship.. There is a different feeling within her about this relationship because of it.. She is letting go of some of the destructive ways she has interacted with other partners in the past..

This is the first relationship that she has been honest about whether she wants to go somewhere with her partner or not.. In the past, she would always agree to go wherever her mate wanted to go because she wanted to please him rather than please herself.. After doing this for a period of time, she would lose sight of who she was and what she wanted and resentment would build.. Now, she is just allowing herself to open to the possibility of something wonderful happening and being herself in the relationship..

It is suggested that the first step in healing any pattern that is a challenge for you or causing you pain is to become aware of what you are feeling within your body when you experiencing the issue..

For example:
Susie had the pattern of not speaking her truth when there was conflict in past relationships.. When she and Otto came together, she wanted to stop that pattern because unspoken words and feelings would always turn into resentment and create walls with her previous husband.. She became aware that she felt a fluttery, sick feeling in her solar plexus and stomach when she didn't speak her truth and held back words.. With Otto, she came to recognize those feelings, honor them and allow herself to speak the words she was holding back..

The first step to creating any change is awareness and allowing yourself to notice what's going on in your body--whether it's tightness in your chest, neck pain, headache or nervousness in your stomach.. Go back in your mind.. When did you notice you would have these sensations in previous relationships? Susie traced her feelings and inability to speak her truth to her childhood.. Ask yourself, where did this feeling come from, who was there and what was the situation?

In a new relationship, as well as an old one, it's very important to differentiate what has happened in the past from what is happening now.. Your feelings can guide you to uncovering your patterns and to creating healthier ways of being in your relationships..

Step 5: Give thanks for the lessons that you learned and change your attitude

Haven't many of us been told or maybe we've “learned” that relationships were hard and filled with misery? We're here to suggest that it doesn't have to be that way.. You can decide to have the relationships that you want and “to make up your own state of mind..”

As painful as it is to hear, the truth is that everything in your life (including your relationships) is a result of the choices you have made up until now.. If you don't like the circumstances in your life or relationships, decide to make other choices..

This could mean changing your attitude.. It can mean focusing on what you like about your partner instead of what you don't like.. It could mean opening up to bring new people into your life.. It could mean deciding to be a better person in your relationships..

Whatever your challenges are, only you can decide to take one step forward toward having the relationships and the life you want.. If you are having challenges moving on from your previous relationship, we suggest you start by honoring that person as a teacher, here to help you on your journey.. When you find yourself feeling the victim or blaming the other person, change that thought to love and send it to him/her.. Sooner or later you will actually be able to give thanks for the lessons that that person taught you..

Giving gratitude for your relationship and your life, whether you have stayed or left, will be positive movement to what you want in life.. Change your attitude and you will change your life..

If you don't have the kind of relationship or the life that you really want, chances are excellent that there is one of two things standing between you and having what you want-- either there are things that you are not willing to do in order to have what you want or you are holding onto beliefs that are keeping you stuck..

We know from our own experience that when we have held onto limiting thoughts and beliefs, such as “I can't… or I could never…”, we remained stuck.. It wasn't until we opened ourselves to possibilities and changed our beliefs about those situations that we were able to move forward with those goals and heal..

Whether you have decided to stay in your relationship or leave it, we invite you to change your thinking, create positive thoughts and take some action that will help you to create the life that you want.. As you read through this article, you probably thought of some ways to move forward.. I now invite you to take this opportunity to move past your fears and start moving toward the relationships and life that you really want..

Someday.... (pt 2)

Someday, in the distant future..
Remember the beautiful sunlight..
And the journey I took to see you..

At that faraway beach and sky..
Remember the precious memories we made..

You're my dazzlingly bright sea..
If you shove me away..
My dreams crumble into the whiteness..

I'm going away on a trip..
A long sea journey..
I'll carry my body..
On these soft waves towards you..

You're my dazzlingly bright sea..
If you shove me away..
My smile crumbles into the whiteness..

You know how much I truly love you..
Wrap yourself warmly.. softly.. with me...

Making A Decision..

If, in front of your eyes, you found yourself with a bunch of choices.. How do you, pick the one choice that doesn't leave you with any regrets?..

Even if you, think really hard and are very careful, you might look back and think that you made the wrong choice..

If you were the only one affected, it might be okay.. but if it greatly affect others then... how do we know for sure which would be the best decision to make?..

Sometimes I do feel like I'm unable to make any choices at all.. Fear of having regrets..

However, for me, if I'll regret things or not, I know that it's something that I should consider, but then, sometimes, you'll die before you ever figure out if the choices you made were really mistakes or not..

Regardless of which choice they made, I think there will be people who regret it and people who don't..

Our choices, are our own to be made.. And never once should we blame others for how things turn out..

Just as people are different, so are their styles of decision making.. Each person is a result of all of the decisions made in their life to date.. Recognizing this, here are some tips to enhance your decision making batting average..

1. Use the O.A.R. approach in decision making.. O, Objectives you are seeking to attain, A, the Alternatives you sense are available to you and R, the Risk of the alternative you are considering..

2. Do not make decisions that are not yours to make..

3. When making a decision you are simply choosing from among alternatives.. You are not making a choice between right and wrong..

4. Try to avoid snap decisions.. Move fast on the reversible ones and slowly on the non-reversible..

5. Choosing the right alternative at the wrong time is not any better than the wrong alternative at the right time, so make the decision while you still have time..

6. Do your decision making on paper.. Make notes and keep your ideas visible so you can consider all the relevant information in making this decision..

7. Be sure to choose based on what is right, not who is right..

8. Write down the pros and cons of a line of action.. It clarifies your thinking and makes for a better decision..

9. Make decisions as you go along.. Do not let them accumulate.. A backlog of many little decisions could be harder to deal with than one big and complex decision..

10. Consider those affected by your decision.. Whenever feasible, get them involved to increase their commitment..

11. Recognize that you cannot know with 100% certainty that your decision is correct because the actions to implement it are to take place in the future.. So make it and don’t worry about it..

12. It has been said that a decision should always be made at the lowest possible level and as close to the scene of action as possible.. However, a decision should always be made at a level insuring that all activities and objectives affected are fully considered.. The first rule tells us how far down a decision should be made. The second how far down it can be made..

13. Remember that not making a decision is a decision not to take action..

14. To be effective a manager must have the luxury of having the right to be wrong..

15. Trust yourself to make a decision and then to be able to field the consequences appropriately..

16. Don’t waste your time making decisions that do not have to be made..

17. Determine alternative courses of action before gathering data..

18. Before implementing what appears to be the best choice, assess the risk by asking “What can I think of that might go wrong with this alternative?”

19. Many decisions you make are unimportant-about 80% of them.. Establish operating limits and let your colleagues or others make them for you..

20. Consider making the decision yourself in lieu of a group, but recognize the potential for less commitment by those affected..

21. As part of your decision making process, always consider how the decision is to be implemented..

22. As soon as you are aware that a decision will have to be made on a specific situation, review the facts at hand then set it aside.. Let this incubate in your subconscious mind until it is time to finally make the decision..

23. Once the decision has been made, don’t look back.. Be aware of how it is currently affecting you and focus on your next move.. Never regret a decision. It was the right thing to do at the time.. Now focus on what is right at this time..

24. Mentally rehearse implementation of your choice and reflect in your imagination what outcomes will result..

25. Brainstorming alternative solutions with your staff or others will gain fresh ideas and commitment..

26. Discontinue prolonged deliberation about your decision.. Make it and carry it through..

27. Once you have made the decision and have started what you are going to do, put the “what if’s” aside and do it with commitment..

In everyday life we often have to make decisions fast, without enough time to systematically go through the above action and thinking steps.. In such situations the most effective decision making strategy is to keep an eye on your goals and then let your intuition suggest you the right choice..