Diary of an Insomniac page 165

It's now.. 12 hours.. since she said goodbye to me..... A very LONG 12 hours... Still.. So many questions remained in my mind..

Life is.. not interesting anymore.. Nor is it meaningful.. Nor even pleasant.. I.. used to look upon everything as try to something interesting about them.. But.. somehow.. I just can't.. How can I concentrate when everything seems... meaningless?..

Part of me has disappeared.. The very part that made me become an optimist..

Looking forward to tomorrow.. Having confidence at anything I do.. Always do thing wholeheartedly.. Working hard on the present.. Making the past as a lesson to never make the same mistake in the future.. Always expecting the best possible outcome from any given situation.. Seizing opportunity as they come.. The best part of being who I really am..

And now, the opportunity that lies upon me is her.. I mean.. was.. She has made herself clear that she's not an opportunity anymore..

If only.. I could clear her doubts..

If only.. I could hear her thoughts..

If only.. I was less persistent on getting her attention..

If only.. I understand how she really feels..

If only.. I knew what she went through...

I have made a vow.. And I intend to keep it.. One way or another.. Be it directly or indirectly.. I'll be there for her... As long as she needs me.. Where or when...

Here's something for her..

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

So... Will you forgive me?.. If you're reading this..