Time To Say Goodbye...

I guess our relationship is over and there's nothing i can do about it.. I decided to stop contacting my ex for a while.. Let things cool down for a while before contacting her again.. But then.. What can i do to set my mind off this thing?? As a last post for her, I'll dedicate this song for her..

Time To Say Goodbye

(this is the translation)
Time to say goodbye

When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
There is no light in a room where there is no sun
and there is no sun if you're not here with me, with me.
From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.
Into me you've poured the light,
the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
it's time to say goodbye.

When you're far away I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
And of course I know that you're with me, with me.
You, my moon, you are with me.
My sun, you're here with me with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,

I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you.

You and me.

The True Story..

If I were to write everything I felt and experienced, I don't think that this page is big enough.. I can only summarize it into several parts..

During the 1st 2 years we were togerther, I barely got angry with my gf.. I didn't even raise my voice at her.. Ever since she started hanging out with a new group of friends, everything went wrong.. She priotized them.. She was willing to cancel our date just to hang out with them.. She can never say no to them but it's the opposite with me.. Even when I told her to come and have lunch with me at my house WITH MY FAMILY, she declined.. Reason? "Tak manis anak gadis pegi umah teman lelaki".. I know I've been very controlling.. I asked her to sms me everything she wanna do things, everytime she wanna go out, with who and when.. I asked her to ask for my permission first before going out.. It was ok for the 1st 2 years in our relationship..

But then, after she started out her 2nd year degree, she became stubborn.. She hardly msg me unless i asked her first.. She became more outgoing with her friends.. There was one time where she called me.. And she was crying at that time becoz she couldn't do her exam very well.. During that sem, she was very outgoing.. Everywhere her friends go, she'd be there with them even though i didn't allow it.. So, as a result, she got scolded by me.. She knew she didn't had enough study and yet she still went out with her friends.. How smart is that? Then, another time, it happened like my last post.. About the skip class..

Then, one day, we argued about her friend.. Let's say there were A and B which were girls and C which is a guy.. C asked A to be his gf.. Then A started dragging C everywhere.. To open houses, gaths, etc.. And then, one day, C left A for B.. Even though A and B were friends, how can B seduce C? How can she steal him from A? Maybe u'll see that best woman wins.. But! If u like ur friend's bf, will u try to take him away from ur friend? Now.. We can see that B is wrong in this situation.. However, my gf still defends B and argued with me..

I still don't understand why my gf must hide stuffs from me? Relationship is mostly based on honesty and trust.. How can i trust her when she's not honest with me? The last few years.. We changed infos as password.. Infos such as birthdays, address, phone numbers, fav number, how to spell our name using only numpads (imagine typing on hp.. example, hisyam would be 44444777733326 then, change into simpler form, 447326..) She would use my info and I would use hers.. Before this, there was no problem at all with me going into her friendster and see who's checking her out.. Then, last month(Jan 2008), she got angry when i went into her friendster and straight away changed her password.. Why must she change her pass if she got nothing to hide from me? Why can't she let me read her sms if she got nothing to hide from me?

Anyway, back to the story, since the last 1 year and 10 months, since she started hanging out with new friends and became close to them, she started to change.. She's been priotizing her friends over me and I would get angry becoz of that.. Ppl been saying she's not my wife and she doesn't deserve to be controlled.. If i can't even control her when she's still my gf, how can i control her when she became my wife? Let's see.. Should I control 4-6 years of her life or should I control 40-60 years of her life? How can i rest assured that my wife won't betray me when she already annoyed me when she's a gf?? How can i give some freedom to her knowing that she wouldn't use it correctly..

The latest even that happened between the 2 of us was event no 1 in my last post.. How could she didn't tell me when she wanna go out, where, when and with whom?.. Furthermore, it was after 12 midnight! I tried to call her from 12.15 until 12.40.. Couldn't reach her.. Phone was off.. I tried to find her using Friendfinder services.. It was in hide mode.. If phone was off and not in hide mode, it'll just say "His(Her) location information is currently unavailable".. But that time, it was "phone is not in HIDE mode. His(Her) location information is not available now".. I tried to call her housemates, they said she's doing lab.. I asked for her lab partner's number which btw was a guy, and they all declined to give me.. "Owh I'm scared he will get angry with me" "I don't wanna get involve in this".. As if i'm gonna tell him who gave his number to me.. One of her friends tried to call her lab partner.. Let's say he's M.. She said she couldn't reach M.. Not there was no answer.. So, assuming that both of them had their hp switched off and in hide mode, I rushed to SA that night around 1 o'clock.. I reach there around 1.30 and there was no guard at the gate.. I waited around 10 minutes and then only i saw them coming from a mamak stall nearby.. I asked him I wanna see my gf and explained she was doing lab but I couldn't reach her in her hp.. The guard said my gf already left long time ago with M.. After that I tried searching at all the mamak stalls nearby her house.. Still couldn't find her.. Then I decided to wait in front of her house.. Started waiting around 2.. I could hear laughing and talking from inside her house and inside her room.. And then, around 3 o'clock, her friend sms me saying how she said she's ok and she wanted me to go back home.. I was like.. "eh, just now couldn't call him.. How did she tell her? Why couldn't she inform me first?".. Then around 3.20, she called me.. Can u guess wat's the 1st thing she said to me? It was "Can u go back home? I'm ok here".. Of coz u're ok but I'm not.. How can i be ok when she couldn't say she's sorry as she didn't tell me she's went out with a guy AFTER 12.. And moreover, she still wanna argue and tell me to go back.. I snapped! I screamed inside the car.. I yelled "GET BACK HERE!!" as loud as I can.. Not once but 3 times.. And the next yell was louder than the last one.. Then, I can hear all the talking and laughter inside her room suddenly quiet.. She was on the phone for 1-2 minutes only.. So the time now is 3.23am.. Then, after 30 minutes only she arrived with her friend.. She told me subang was near.. Around 15 minutes only.. If 15 minutes then why was she late? What was she doing until the time doubles?? Then, I knocked at her friend's car.. Asking him his phone number.. He replied "Her mom also never ask me my number.. Why should i give u?" Her mom is her mother.. Not her boyfriend.. I can't believe how idiotic can 1 guy be.. He didn't even say sorry taking my gf out or was late.. She told me.. That night.. She went out to do some work with that guy.. Then, one of his friends met him.. After that, they all went out.. Imagine this.. Hp inside car, but friend still can know where he is without him telling them.. How coincidental is that? M's friend went to A&W and meet M when M's phone is still inside his car, and they went somewhere else to eat.. Is it me or is it planned from the beginning?

Then they went out to eat at subang.. Why can't they go eat at Shah Alam? I know by this time, M already know I'm already here, waiting for her.. If he didn't, it meant it's her housemate's fault for not informing.. And still, she tried to backup her friend.. "I wanted to eat rice and not at mamak stall".. U wanna eat rice go eat at someplace nearer.. If u don't wanna eat at mamak, then eat sooner.. Don't wait until 2 o'clock only u went eat.. I really can accept she did some work with that guy.. Really! I can! But what i can't accept is, why can't she meet me first before I go back? Why must she hide that guy's hp number? She told me "20 cents how to sms?".. Maxis to maxis was as low as 5 cent per sms.. Or maybe 7 cent for him.. Why can't she have the initiative to inform me thru public? There're a lot of public phones inside Shah Alam and Subang.. Why she still can't inform me? And most importantly, why must she follows him to subang and eat? Why can't she said NO to M and went back to SA to eat??

I don't understand.. If ur friend has relationship problems and he or she told u about it, it means u're already involved in it.. And yet, some ppl say "oh I don't wanna get involve".. If u don't wanna get involve, then don't listen to her.. Why can't she sacrifices her friends for me? Why can't she priotizes me instead of her friends?

*added 2 Feb 2008
Btw, I forgot to add this in.. A week before she went out with that guy, I fetch her and she said she was sorry for all the things she did for the last three weeks.. And yet, she did those things AGAIN after 6 days.. *sigh*.. She told my sis she dodn't love me anymore.. Well, if she don't love me anymore, why did she say sorry?

Tell Me Wat U Feel..

Wat do u feel IF..
1. ur gf went out with a friend (guy) who she feels as if her brother, after 12 to do some work and meet that guy's friend afterwards? She didn't even bother to tell u where she went with a guy lab partner even though she could've used that guy's hp to tell u? (in this case, u already informed ur gf that u want her to tell u wherever she goes)
2. ur gf defends her friends against u even though they're wrong?
3. ur gf skips class when it's raining becoz her friend asked her to even though she owns a car and she declines to skip when u ask her to just to go out with her? (the very same time and day only a few weeks later)


Feel free to leave a comment..

Kerna Ku Sayang Kamu...

I dedicate this song to me ex-gf.. If she's reading this, I just wanna say 1 thing...
Lose ur friends or Lose ur relationship.. No BF can accept wat u did for the last few weeks



DYGTA - Karna Ku Sayang Kamu

Seandainya, kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu, yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Ku ingin bersama dirimu
Ku takkan pernah, berpaling darimu
Walau kini, kau jauh dariku
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Hati ini, selalu memanggil namamu
Dengarlah melatiku
Ku berjanji, hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yg lain

Adakah rindu di hatimu
Seperti rindu yang kurasa
Sanggupkah kuterus terlena
Tanpamu disisiku, ku kan slalu menantimu

Seandainya, kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu, yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu

Ku tak akan pernah, berpaling darimu
Walau kini, kau jauh dariku
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Not Being Involved Facts!

not being involve doesn't mean don't help when we're arguing.. it's simply stfu and mind ur own business before giving any aspects or suggestions to my gf.. xnak involve jgn masuk campur langsung.. jgn tolong dlm relationship die.. jgn tolong bile die sedih.. pendek kata, jgn buat ape2 langsung la.. aku bukan nak kurang ajar cume nak bagi korang sedar ape maksud "xnak masuk campur".. yg kelakarnya, siap ade yg bawak gf aku kuar sorang2 lak tu.. gf orang pandai2 la.. xkan nak bawak kuar lepas kul 12.. use ur brain pls.. ape korang rasa kalo laki lain bawak gf korang kuar lepas kul 12 berdua2an? sape yg x marah? baru aku tau betapa die pentingkan rakan2 dari bf sendiri.. sanggup xnak sms sbb xnak kantoikan nombor member dari bagitau bf yg tengah sibuk msg dgn call rakan2 lain tanya kat mane die.. thx so much for ruining our relationship

Irresponsibles! *sigh*

Some ppl say they don't wanna get involved with my problems with my gf.. One thing for sure.. They don't know they've already involved in this long before they know it.. They've already involved in this when they became my gf's friends.. As a friend; a true friend, would help us solve this problem in order not to make my gf sad.. Well, I know that some of the probs are becoz of my hot temper, but then, u guys are making it worse by not helping.. Thus, making all the blames go to her.. Furthermore, when she said to u guys don't get involved, u were already involved with this...

Another thing that makes me pissed off is.. One of her close friend declines to give his phone number.. His reason? "Her mom doesn't even want my phone number.. Why should u?".. Wow! Nice reply.. Very 'matured'.. Anyway, her mom doesn't know u take out her daughter after midnight so stop whining about it.. Her mom doesn't even let me go out with her after midnight, so why should u go out with her when her mom doesn't even know about it? Like I said, stop whining to not get involved and do something for ur friend.. Ur lab partner.. Ur close friend.. She even told me u were like a brother to her.. Is it wrong to get the phone number of someone that close to my gf? Think about it..

When u encountered a problem, a bystander will just watch but a true friend will help

What Do U Think Of This??

When your friends have relationship problems, aren't u already involved since u're their friend? and yet, telling someone NOT to get involve, made him or her already involved in that problem.. thanks to my gf, one of her friends is considered an asshole to me.. before this, i got into an arguement with my gf.. AGAIN.. and then, she told her best friend not to get involve and don't help me with anything.. let me give u one situation... when u call ur spouse and she wouldn't answer or reply ur messages, what do u do?? i've asked a lot of ppl about this.. and most of them said contact her closest friend.. think bout it.. do u call her family which was far away from her? or do u call someone close to her who might know where her whereabouts are?

*Sigh* I've Been Turned Down..

I admit I've been quarrelling with my gf over some small details. And I've used harsh words to her. I was wrong. I know. Maybe becoz she wouldn't listen to what I've said. Or maybe becoz I was emotionally disturb at that time and she made me snap. One thing for sure. She cares more about the dressing rather than the taste. I don’t think she noticed the things I said. Instead, she noticed the harsh words I said.

Growing up in my house, I was often called stupid or useless by my family. Enraged, I work hard to prove them wrong. And now, they finally notice about my usefulness. I wanted my gf to be more encouraged. That’s why I’ve called her stupid, never use her brain and lots more. Unfortunately, she took everything as realistic and thought of herself the same as every thing I’ve said. I know some of it is true but not EVERYTHING. Why can’t she work hard to prove me wrong?

I guess my reverse psychology has failed. And now, I’m on the verge of breaking up with my gf. I’ve tried everything. I tried to console her, but she rejected me. I’ve beaten myself up until I coughed up blood, and still she rejected me. Everything I do, and STILL she rejected me. Now, all I can do is just hope she’ll come back to me.

This Song Is Dedicated To My Gf..
Tak Bisakah – Peter Pan




Hatiku Bimbang Dengan Tetap Pikirkanmu
Selalu, Selalu Dalam Hatiku
Ku Melangkah Sejauh Apapun Itu
Selalu Kau Didalam Hatiku

Ku Berjalan, Berjalan Memutar Waktu
Berharap Temukan Sisa Hatimu
Mengertilah Ku Ingin Engkau Begitu
Mengerti Kau Di Dalam Hatiku

Tak Bisakah Kau Menungguku
Hingga Nanti Tetap Menunggu
Tak Bisakah Kau Menuntunku
Menemani Dalam Hidupku

Ku Berjalan, Berjalan Memutar Waktu
Berharap Temukan Sisa Hatimu
Mengertilah Ku Ingin Engkau Begitu
Mengerti Kau Didalam Hatiku

Jangan Kau Mencari Hidupku
Kemana Kau Tau Isi Hatiku
Tunggu Sejenak Aku Disitu
Jalanku Jalan Menemukanmu

Tak Bisakah Kau Menungguku
Hingga Nanti Tetap Menunggu
Tak Bisakah Kau Menuntunku
Menemani Dalam Hidupku

Kekasih Gelapku – Ungu

Song lyrics | Kekasih Gelapku lyrics

Nice Song ^^ (Change The World - V6)

Here's the lyrics

Video:Kingdom Hearts
Song:Change The World
Artist:V6
Vocals:Max Alto

I want to change the world,
Keep on holding on your desire,
You will get a shining love,
That you can reach alone
If you go on to get your goal,
It's wonderland.

I felt so worried when I spent all the time
thinking of the future of us
'Cause I know, there's nothing
That I really want to know.
And then I met you, so I could feel,
What you should know:
I've finally found your love,
And now I'm really feeling all right,
'Cause the nightmare has gone,
This is the way to love you.

I want to change the world,
Walk again never miss the way,
Don't be afraid I'm with you,
And we can fly away,
If you can stay with me forever,
Change my mind,
Won't get lost if your passion's true,
I'm gonna fly with you again,
So you can spread your wings,
And you will fly with me away,
It's wonderland.

We gotta swim against the tide and the flow
Till the day when we'll get your goal
You will see that your desire
Will be granted again

This is the feeling you'll understand
The troubled life....
It won't be too bad to face
And any problem you will see
Will not to be too hard
If I can walk beside you

I want to change the world
Walk again, fight against the wind
Don't be afraid to be true
'Cause now you have to bring
The power of your smile on your face
Change my mind
Keep on holding on your desire
You will get a shining love
That you can reach alone
If you go on to get your goal
It's wonderland.

I want to change the world,
Walk again never miss the way,
Don't be afraid I'm with you,
And we can fly away,
If you can stay with me forever,
Change my mind,
Won't get lost if your passion's true,
I'm gonna fly with you again,
So you can spread your wings,
And you will fly with me away,
It's wonderland.